Please Don't Go

I Figured It Out // Chapter 10

It's been four months since Phil and I came out.

The hate has gone down a bit, but people are still telling us how worthless we are.

I think I'm worthless.

But Phil sure as hell isn't worthless.

xx

"Dan, Dan, are you okay?" Phil shook me, tearing me awake. I sat up immediately and hugged Phil.

"What was I doing?" I asked from Phil's chest.

"You were screaming. Straight up screaming. You weren't saying anything that I could decipher, but you were just screaming. What happened?" Phil looked concerned. He rubbed my back in circles and kissed my forehead multiple times.

"I... You..." I stuttered. I was still trying to figure out what happened. Phil nodded.

"Take all the time you need, love," Phil said, kissing me and drying my tears. I kissed him back. The dream hit me.

"We were on a cliff, and you were hanging off. I was holding on, but I wasn't strong enough. You slipped and fell off the cliff into an abyss or something. The last thing you said was 'Jump.'" I started, tears rolling down my face. Phil nodded and smiled reassuringly.

"I tried jumping, screaming after you that I was gonna be with you. Something held me back from jumping, as if my feet were attached to the ground. I just screamed and screamed as if that was going to do anything. I'm sorry, Phil, I'm so sorry,"

"Its okay, Dan. It was just a dream. I'm here," Phil said, drying my fresh tears and kissing me and doing all of the right things.

"I love you," I said to Phil, stroking his hair.

"I love you, too, Dan Howell-Lester," Phil responded, kissing me softly as he laid back down. I smiled at my new last name and laid down next to him.

"I'm sorry that I'm so much trouble," I whispered.

"If I didn't love your trouble, I probably wouldn't have married you, would I?"

"No," I hesitated.

"There you go. Get some sleep, love," Phil sighed, closing his eyes.

"Goodnight," I whispered. 

I didn't fall asleep, though. My thoughts kept me up until sunrise.

I figured out why I thought Phil was too good for me.

I figured out that he just was.

I figured out that I deserve to be dead. That's all I deserve.

Fag.

Kill yourself.

You deserve death.

Maybe I should listen to my head.

//

Heyy guys!

Thx for reading and voting!

Ily all and I'll try to update more!

That's really all. It's almost midnight and it have to wake up early, so that's it. Also, this is unedited.

Byeeeeee!

~^z^~ zZz phanmember101