Flawed Perfection

Flawed Perfection Ch. 20

EEEK!!! So excited! I've finished the last chapter of Flawed Perfection! There's going to be an epilogue and then it'll be officially over! The picture on the side is pure truth. 

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Today is Monday and I am alone. Literally alone. Luke and Hazel are at school. Dan is at school as well and my parents are at work.

I sighed and looked around my room. Everyone had left yesterday as soon as it started to get dark. It kind of got me wondering if they even wanted to be here.

No one had really come to check on me, and Hazel’s advice of loving myself was becoming harder and harder to follow. There was nothing to love about myself. I was a fat ugly girl who’d landed herself in a hospital.

More than once I thought of trying to cut off the food going through the tube into me. But then what Hazel and Luke had said stopped me. Even my mom’s voice crept in there when she had told me before everyone left that I was perfect in my own way.

I slouched down on my pillow, head barely able to look over the covers. “Why me?” I asked aloud dully, though no one was there to answer me.

To me that was a very good question. Why was I the one blessed to be with this, as the doctors’ call it, eating disorder?

It was really silly too. The doctor said that I had a mixture of bulimia and anorexia. I had anorexia because I’d starve myself but then I kind of had bulimia because whatever I did eat I’d throw up, though I wasn’t exactly purging.

I scowled. Eating disorder, that was just pathetic.

“Me? An eating disorder?” I asked myself and looked down at my body. All I kept seeing was fat, fat, fat!

It just didn’t make any sense. We learned all about this stuff in health class eons ago and people with eating disorders were not fat like me.

Kelly knocked on the door and waved through the glass window.  I smiled slightly and sat up.

 “Hi!” I said brightly as she came through the door. Technically she didn’t have to knock though I’m glad she did because it just seems so much more polite. 

“Hello, hello, hello!” Kelly laughed, repeating the word three times. “Oh I just love doing that.” She giggled like a schoolgirl and shut the door behind her. 

“How’ve you been?” she asked sitting down on one of the chairs against the wall.

I smiled and shrugged a little. “I dunno, fine I guess. Just been here…” I trailed off.

Kelly nodded and got herself comfortable in the chair. I wondered why she looked like she’d be here a while. She was just a nurse, checking on me, what could she possibly have to do that’ll take a long time?

She smiled at me. “Yeah, sorry about that. You’re going to be here a while…” she trailed off. “Though we’re going to make you all better in the end, you’ll see.” She said with confidence.

I raised an eyebrow. “Uh, in case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t think I have any reason to be here.”

Kelly smiled sadly at me. “I know sweetheart. Denial is normally what all people like you do first.” She said comfortingly.

I didn’t want comfortingly. I wanted to get out of here!

“Denial?” I scoffed. “Yeah right, I’m freaking fat and locked up here for being skinny!”

Kelly nodded. “That’s because your brain has a distorted image of your body. In reality you are very underweight and malnourished while your mind keeps feeding you the image of an overweight and grotesque person.”