Love Is Not A Choice [brallon]

6

DALLON

This day sucks, like really. Last night, Brendon and I went out for drinks as an 'apology' for both of us or so he says. I mean, how am I supposed to feel? He's completely ignoring me like he doesn't even know about my existence. And if I did anything that offended him or anything he should've just said. I was knocked out drunk last night, I don't even remember anything past our first drinks.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! I MEAN WHAT IS HE UP TO?" I screamed my lungs out as I am wiping my face with my palms, "KENNY, DAN WHAT WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR BESTFRIEND SUDDENLY COMPLETELY IGNORES YOU LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN EXIST?" I can't help it. I'm frustrated and confused and I don't even know.

"Shush, Dallon. He's probably just hungover from last night." Dan tried to comfort me, but I wasn't listening that well. I just wined and wined until we reached our destination.

"Okay, soundcheck!" Zack shouted to catch everyone's attention. I'm not even in the mood of soundcheck right now, but don't get me wrong. I'm usually very excited for every day of our tour, but not this one. I watched as Brendon walk out of the bus still completely ignoring me. I tried to keep distance from him, because obviously I am really frustrated.

We started sound check and clears everything so I quickly went back to the bus to cool down my burning emotions. I inhaled and exhaled in an attempt to calm down, and it seems to be working really well. Hmm, I should try this often when my conditions come out.

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We're about to walk out to the stage, and I can hear screaming from the fans. "Are you guys ready?!" Brendon said, full of energy. The rest of the guys shouted a yeah just as energetic as B's but I just looked away.

"PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!" We could hear everybody scream, Brendon jumps up and down in excitement, "They're so hyped! I can't wait to go out." Yeah, Brendon. I wish you're as excited as you are now when you're seeing me. I sighed as the audience counted down to us. "3, 2, 1" I can hear the last numbers come out of the audience's mouths and We finally came out. Screams over screams over screams. I can't even hear myself, this is something I am used to but what the heck.

We were mid concert and B introduced I Write Sins Not Tragedies "This next song is for my mom! I love you ma!" The crowd screamed from the sweet words, who wouldn't to be honest?

The first notes started playing and people started screaming the one thing I didn't want them to. "BRALLON! BRALLON! BRALLON!" Ofcourse people would ask for this, we spoilt them with our 'stage gay'. I'm not trying to get myself angry. It's like sticking my head up my own ass, I don't even know if Brendon wants to see my face and people just screaming our ship name is reminding me of what B is doing to me.

I turned my back to the rest of the boys to help myself. Sure, the crowd was disappointed but I am well relieved. We finished the rest of the concert and said our goodbyes to the sad fans.

I was walking in the hallway backstage and B, together with Zack, walked infront of me. Zack nodded once but I was looking at Brendon just acting like I'm a ghost. This is getting into me goddammit.

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It's been a week and no change. I am still a nonexistent shit for Brendon. This has been messing with my mood lately. He's the only person who can lighten up my day in a snap of a finger and here he is bringing me down. Great right?

Still the usual things happened, sound check, ignoring, and wining and all sorts of crazy things. We were once again mid concert and for no apparent reason, or maybe the crowds miss the suspense feeling of their ship going awfully close together, practically kissing. They started shouting once again 'Brallon'.

I can't take this anymore, I don't need millions of people to remind me of all the annoying things, they're technically not telling me but it sure is reminding me just them shouting our ship name, which practically means 'go fuck or something'.

I saw Brendon glance towards me as he tries to get the crowd crazy again, but when he started walking it got through me and I said through my microphone, "Fuck you, Brendon." I proceeded to drop my bass and walk out of the stage. I HATE HIM. DON'T EVEN IGNORE ME FOR A WEEK AND THEN TRY TO DO ANYTHING 'AFFECTIONATE'.

I heard all of them say 'Awww' in shock and disbelief of what I just did. Even I can't believe what I just did. Oh shit. This could destroy my career. I'm not usually like this. I've been bratty and moody all week. Maybe this isn't worth it in the end but for now and for my emotions, it is.

I sat down the couch and placed my palm on my face. What did I just do? I thought to myself regretting my bad actions earlier. I mean, anybody couldn't control their demeanor when they're angry right? Or is it just me?

All the music stopped and I heard the crowd say another 'aww'. They didn't stop the concert did they? I heard the door open and it was the boys. "Dallon what the fuck was that?" Brendon said obviously angry, "You stopped the concert because of me? You didn't need me out there." I answered back, he doesn't have the right to be angry. He's the one who's been ignoring me all this time and when I snapped he acts like he's the victim here.

"Yeah we did! You ruined this day." WOW BRENDON. JUST WOW. "Oh it was me? Tell me that after I do this ruining thing for a week straight. How about that?" He can't speak, I saw embarassment and blushing in his face. "You know if you didn't want to see me or even talk to me in the first place you should've just asked me to leave the band. You shouldn't have put up with me if I was annoying or something! You shouldn't have accepted me in the band if you didn't like me. You've been an asshole to ME ONLY and I don't even know why, Brendon." I snapped. I couldn't contain it anymore, this is just getting in my nerves. My eyes were starting to release tears because of all of this shit.

They were all surprised of what I did. I was cooling down but all of this shit destroyed my mood to the max. I shook my head in anger and walked out of the room, not knowing where I want to be. I am so lost and frustrated and all sorts of negative emotions are filling up my mind. "What an ass. I've had enough of this." I muttered to myself. I truly love Brendon but sometimes he's just getting into me.

I am wandering off the streets of a place I don't know. For all I know I am lost, I left all my things back in the venue. My bass, my wallet, my phone, my clothes, everything. I should've just stayed. Now I'm crying all alone in a barely lit road.