Indefinitely - Armin X Reader

Chapter 8 | The Panic Before The Storm

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When the trainees split into 4 groups

"Defend the wall."

Easier said than done.

I dispersed into the crowd to find Eren and Armin, as we had all been arranged into a muddled mess to hear our instructions, and somehow I had lost them. I had to make sure that they were going to be safe. Mikasa was strong, incredibly strong, so she could take care of herself; I was sure of that, plus I knew wherever Eren was, she couldn't be far, so that only left the boys for me to keep track of. They were still both strong in their own way, but...  

I still have to make sure.

I felt a little guilty for feeling like I had to protect them, but tried to forget it, knowing it only came from a place of care. After a few minutes, I found Eren getting a lecture from Mikasa about being safe, which he then promptly managed to turn in to him lecturing her about mothering him. I almost smiled at the similarity to all those years ago, when we were kids, and she would watch over Eren as carefully as I had watched after Armin, yet it left me with a sick feeling that we may not have long together anymore, and this was how they were spending it. 

No, they're going to be okay.

"Both of you, stop." I said, my voice tense, and they both looked at me after hearing how low and unsteady my voice was. "Don't do this shit right now."

Eren looked to the side guiltily before thanking Mikasa quietly for making sure he was going to be safe, and she nodded gratefully, taking his hand. She shot a reassuring glance at me, and I gave her the strongest smile I could muster, which must've still been very wobbly, as I could see the concern clear in her eyes. I left them there, knowing that I would probably see them later before heading to see where Armin was, my worry for him growing now that I knew he wasn't with Eren and Mikasa. 

I found him standing silently near Jean and Marco, the two friends quietly discussing the upcoming mission - save any civilians we come across, kill any titans we find, ignore abnormals and leave them to the higher ups, and stay alive. Jean was talking about how after this mission he was going to join the Military Police, with Marco agreeing enthusiastically. I wondered if he truly gathered how grim this situation was. The world was wildly different now after only an hour of things being changed, and it felt impossible for me to imagine a tomorrow that was any kind of similar to yesterday. Despite myself knowing this, I was hesitant in revealing this to Jean; I didn't want him going into all this knowing that his dream was now far out of reach. A cushy life in the interior, where the interior was no longer as safe as it was, would not sound as pleasant as it used to. While Armin appeared to be listening intently, I knew him better - I knew the blank look in his face from when he'd zone out, deep in thought. I knew the stillness of his stance, fear undoubtedly flowing through his veins. It seemed as though the pitiful reassurance I had offered earlier had disappeared, the notion that things might end up okay lost in the tidal wave of memories of how this had ended 5 years ago. 

I walked towards Armin, waving timidly. He barely even noticed, the only sign that he saw me being his eyes flickering up to my approaching form. It was clear his nerves were eating him alive, despite him trying to keep them at bay. I understood the feeling of dread, the feeling of fear snaking around your insides and constricting your lungs until you could barely take a breath; it was horrible. When I reached him, he looked up at me, and I could now see the tears gathering in his eyes. I guess he chose to stand near Jean to distract himself with the words of someone who was still hopeful, but Armin knew better than him now, and knew that Jean was living in a lie that he would soon wake up to. It was lucky for him that Jean hadn't noticed yet, or he undoubtedly would've said something; nothing malicious, but most likely something that would have resulted in Armin feeling worse than before, and I didn't want that. I guessed that was why he was looking away from him, dissociating in an attempt to comfort himself without Jean noticing.