They Didn't Know (A Minizerk Fanfiction) {HIATUS}

Chapter 19: Two Days

Trigger warning this chapter. If you're easily affected by triggering thoughts or mentions of other things then please read with caution.

Josh's POV:

Two days. That's all it's been so far, and I can't help but get the feeling there's something wrong and that I should text Simon or one of the others. But I won't. I can't. I promised myself and Freya, no contact with anyone. But I don't like this feeling that I have, and I can't shake it. I don't know what it is, where it's come from, or what it could be related to, all I know is that I don't like it. Right, if it doesn't go away within the next couple of days, I'll text him.

Simon's POV:

He's been gone two days, and they've been the slowest two days because I've had barely anything to do. This week's second channel videos are already recorded and edited, so all I have to do is main channel videos. Which leaves me with a lot of time on my hands, time to think, which is never a good thing. Everything that usually invades my head has done so both days he's been gone, but today something must have changed. The thoughts were different, darker, to the point where I couldn't escape them. I was stuck, but I was no longer in my room, sat in my chair trying to think of video ideas, I was completely in my own little world and I couldn't get out. And this wasn't a world I wanted to be in.

Look at yourself, you're disgusting. You're so thin and lanky, men shouldn't be that thin. You're not right. Look at your face, plagued by acne permanently. Why would that make you attractive? What do the fans even see in you? How are you the favourite? I'm not even sure, and you sure as hell don't deserve to be. I bet they only pity you. I bet they don't really like you. I bet the sidemen don't even like you really. They probably only record with you because it's their charity work. (Lowkey CAH quote oops) In fact, they probably only took you into the sidemen in the first place because they felt sorry for JJ's loser friend. They don't really want you there. They don't really care. Josh doesn't even like you. He's just saying he does. He's just saying he supports you so that he can get rid of you later on and hurt you even more. You're stupid little crush won't get you anywhere when he's had a girlfriend for nearly 6 years. You're...

"Stop." I whispered to myself, trying desperately to get rid of the thoughts before they could make me do anything I'd regret, "Stop." You think we'd stop that easily? Just from a simple word? We'll never stop. We'll never end until you do. Either learn to live with us or do something about it. It's not like anyone would miss you if you did. No one would care if you hurt yourself. Even if they did find out, they'd probably just laugh at you and call you stupid or a baby because you can't handle your own emotions. It's true, I can't. I can't handle this. I can't handle my own emotions. How stupid am I?

I want so badly to do something, something bad, but I won't. I made a promise to myself that I would never, that I would talk to someone if I ever felt this way again, but who can I talk to? Josh would have been the one I went to, but of course this has happened when he's not here. I could go to Vikk, but he's probably too busy recording or editing and I don't want to disrupt him with my stupid problems. I'm not important enough to stop him, to stop his viewers from getting the videos they want. JJ's not even in the house, who knows where he is, and I don't want to affect the day of anyone at the Halo Tower by asking them to come over here, because I really could do with a face to face conversation or someone with me to actually stop me from doing anything. If there's someone with me, I can't do anything bad. But I guess I'll just have to suffer in silence for now, like you deserve to. You don't deserve people who care about you. Maybe, if I can't make it that long with doing anything, I'll talk to Josh when he gets back. But why would he care anyway? Why would he take time out of his day to listen to you? I don't know...

A/N: Hey guys, hope you liked the chapter, I know it was a bit dark but I felt like it was needed. Hopefully it didn't trigger anyone or anything, but if it did or any of you ever feel like this, you can always talk to me :)

Anyway, I want your opinion on this, was it effective? Like the thoughts and stuff? Do you like chapters with this sort of thing in?

Also, thank you so much for 10K reads, I'm glad so many people like this.

That's about it, so until next time x