They Didn't Know (A Minizerk Fanfiction) {HIATUS}

Chapter 20: Stupid

Josh's POV:

Those two extra days I said I'd give myself have now passed, but this feeling hasn't. Tonight, I'm going to text Simon and see how he is and how everyone else is. I know I promised I wouldn't, but if something is wrong, then I'd rather break a promise than not know.

*****

I've got some alone time now, which gives me a perfect opportunity to find out if there's a reason as to why I feel this.

Me: Hey Simon, everything all good back home?

I waited a while for a reply. Nothing. This isn't like him, normally he replies straight away, especially around this time.

Me: Be truthful with me, are you okay?

Again, nothing. Maybe he's recording? Maybe. I guess I'll just give him time.

*****

Minter: Hey, everything's good, yeah

Two hours later. It took him two hours to reply. That's really not right for Simon. He also avoided my second question, so now I know something is up.

Me: What about you, how are you?

... Nothing. Again.

Me: Simon, what's wrong? I know you. You not replying is a definite sign something is wrong. Tell me or I'll call you and make you tell me.

Minter: It's not important, just me being stupid, I don't want to ruin your holiday

That's all it took for me to press the call button. Last time Simon said it was just him being stupid, I found him crying in his room at 2 in the morning.

He answered after a couple of rings. "Josh I said it wasn't important, now go back to enjoying yourself and stop worrying about me."

"Simon, last time you said it was just you being stupid, I came to your room to find you crying. Now, tell me what's wrong, please."

"It's just... Ever since you left, I've had less videos to film and more time to think and that's never good, josh, especially not for me. The thoughts haven't been good either..." he trailed off. Oh no.

"Tell me the truth now, what have they been saying?" I asked softly, worried he'd start crying at any point. The thought of him crying broke my heart.

"They've been saying lots Josh, lots of bad things. All my insecurities, all the things I hate" his voice broke as he said 'hate', making my heart break a little bit more, "about myself, the things I'm scared about. My height, how thin I am, I shouldn't be this thin Josh, my stupid acne, how I don't deserve to be the fan's favourite, how they only pretend to like me, how you guys only pretend to like me, how you only record with me because you feel like you have to, how I was only taken into the sidemen because you all felt sorry for JJ's loser friend, and how you're only... only pretending to support me so that you can drop me later on and hurt me even more." By this point, he was fully crying, I could tell by the way his voice wavered and he kept sniffling in between words. Poor guy. He doesn't deserve to feel this way, he's never done anything wrong to deserve these feelings and thoughts. Just the thought of what's he must have been going thought recently made tears well up in my own eyes, and his next sentence made it even worse. "Please don't do that to me Josh, I don't think I'd be able to cope."

"I would never, I promise you. Nothing they are saying to you is true. You're perfect the way you are. So what is you're quite thin and lanky? It suits you, and that's not something that works for everyone. Can you imagine me that thin?" I heard him chuckle on the other end, "Exactly. Don't put yourself down over it, okay? And as for your acne, who cares? So many people have acne, it just shows that you're actually human, not some super gorgeous non human" Did I really just call him gorgeous? What? Isn't a guy allowed to complement his best friend? "you're the same as everyone else. The fans adore you, Simon, there's absolutely no need to question that and you do deserve it, you work so hard for them, to give them videos every single day, don't say you don't deserve it, you deserve everything you get. And as for me and the guys, what you're thinking is completely mad. I love you, all of us do, we didn't just take in 'JJ's loser friend' because that's not what you are, you're Simon, you're your own person, and you're not a loser. Okay? And of course I support you, I support you fully and I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me."

There were a few minutes of silence on his side, the only disruption being his small sniffles every so often as the tears began to subside. I wiped away a few of my own that had slipped in the process of trying to reassure him. Then a small voice from the other end of the call said, "Thanks Josh, that means a lot. I don't mean to be so harsh about you guys, you know that right? I just can't help it sometimes."

"It's okay, don't worry about it, I know. Now cheer up a little will you? I'll be back in a few days and then it's your birthday, and we can celebrate somehow, okay?"

"Okay Josh, I'll try, for you." I couldn't help the small smile that found its way to my lips. "I'll let you carry on with your holiday now, anyway, I've taken you away from Freya for too long already. Try not to worry about me too much, I think I'll be okay now."

I just laughed. "No promises."

"Bye Josh, thanks again for that."

"It's okay, bye Simon." And with that, the call ended.

At least now I can spend the rest of the holiday not worrying about not knowing. I'm still going to worry, I know I will, but at least I know why and I know he'll tell me if anything else is wrong. Hopefully.