They Didn't Know (A Minizerk Fanfiction) {HIATUS}

Chapter 30: Ignorant

Simon's POV:

It feels so good to be outside again. I was so hesitant to come out, because I thought it would be awkward and no one would know what to say to me, but now, stood on the pitch surrounded by the people I love most, I realised that I had no reason to be. No one had mentioned anything the whole time, it was just the normal banter we'd have any other time, even if I could barely look any of them in the eye because I felt self-conscious and thought I looked like shit. You do. And Josh wasn't ignoring me, like I expected him to, he actually spoke to me the most on the way here, as if he was going out of his way to show me that everything is fine, which I really appreciate, but it won't help me get over him.

"Hey Simon!" I heard Josh shout, so I looked up to see him jogging over to my current position of leaning against the fence. As he got close, he asked "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, why'd you ask?" I forced a small smile onto my face, maybe it would convince him and stop him from asking any more questions. You know that isn't gonna happen, Josh knows you too well.

"Come on, you should know by now that I'm not gonna believe 'I'm fine' and a forced smile. Now tell me what's wrong? Why do you keep avoiding eye contact and interaction with the boys? Why were you okay to have a conversation me pretty much the whole way here, yet as soon as you arrive, you can barely say hi to to anyone?" Why does he have to notice everything about me? Dammit. Sometimes I wish he wasn't so dad-like and observant and caring.

"I-I can't Josh, I-" I sigh and look down, I don't want to talk about this, yet Josh somehow makes me just by looking at me. "I feel too self-conscious, and I've lost all confidence in myself. Every recording I do, I feel like it isn't good enough, and when I'm editing them, I have to focus on the game because I can't bare to look at my ugly self and the mess I am. And you probably haven't noticed, but I've barely eaten and I hate it because I'm stupid thin anyway and I wish I wasn't, but I couldn't because I was too scared that I'd encounter one of you and have to explain."

Josh was silent for a moment as he took in everything I said. I probably shouldn't have said that much, but it's out there now and it's better off my chest than on it. He's deciding whether or not he wants to get involved with your shit. Or he's already decided that, and he's trying to work out how to tell you he doesn't want to deal with you. Suddenly, Josh pulled me from my thoughts by doing something I never thought he would after he found out that I like him, he hugged me. He hugged me and I couldn't help but love it because it was exactly what I needed in this moment.

"I didn't realise you hated yourself that much, Simon." he spoke softly into my shoulder, before pulling away slowly. "But I should have. I can't believe I didn't see the signs! I'm so sorry for being so ignorant Simon! It won't happen anymore though, I promise that I will always be there for you, I promise I will try to stop you from get this low again, and I promise to help you in any way you need. And I know I've made this promise before, but this time, I swear, it won't get broken." The tears began to well in my eyes, hearing this from his mouth, rather than over text like before, means so much to me. I won't cry, not in front of everyone. I need to get a grip.

Josh must have noticed, as he took me into his arms again. "Hey, hey, it's okay, there's no need to cry."

"I'm sorry, I just... you don't understand how much that means to me, you saying that. But you don't need to blame yourself, I should have talked to someone, rather than letting it build up." I reply, pulling away and smiling slightly, a genuine smile, making Josh smile back at me wildly.

"Do you want to talk about how you feel later? I mean more in private so I know exactly how to help ... if you want too, of course." Josh spoke softly, quietly, as if he was worried that the others would hear him. He cares. He actually cares, about me, about keeping my problems from affecting the rest of the group. All that doubt, doubting his friendship, his interest in me, was for nothing and now I feel so bad.

"Yes...please. I would really appre..."

"Hey guys, we're gonna leave now, and head to Nandos, you ready to go? Or do you want to meet us there?" Tobi's voice cut through mine, interrupting our conversation. Typical.

"...appreciate that." I finished, before laughing, albeit a slightly watery laugh, and shouting back. "We're coming now."

"Trust Tobi to interrupt us, even if we were at the end of our conversation." Josh laughed softly. God I love his laugh.

"It could have been worse timing, we could have been halfway through our little heart-to-heart. Anyway, let's go, I'm starving after all that emotion." Josh just shook his head slightly at my stupid attempt at a joke, before beginning to walk off with his arm wrapped around my shoulders. I'm so glad to have him in my life, I don't know what I'd do without him.

A/N: Hey guys, I haven't done one of these in a while, but I just wanted to say thank you for all the support I've had on recent updates, and I hope you're enjoying the regular updates now, I'm hoping to continue this from now on, but I can't make any promises. Thanks again xx