They Didn't Know (A Minizerk Fanfiction) {HIATUS}

Chapter 12: Explanations

Josh's POV:

Well that was unexpected. Never did I think Simon would be gay. This is the secret he's been hiding from me for so long. This is why he's been distancing himself from me. He thinks I'm not going to accept him.

"Is this why you distanced yourself from me? Why you stopped talking to me?" I asked

He simply nodded, obviously not trusting his voice. I just pulled him into another hug, to show him that I care. I mean, what else could I do?

He kept mumbling apologies into my shoulder as we sat on his bed, so I pulled away slightly, still leaving my arms around him but more loosely.

"What are you apologising for Simon? You have nothing to apologise for."

"Be...because this is going to change things between us, I know it, and I didn't mean for you to find out, and I didn't want things to change and..." he hiccupped slightly from the amount of crying he had done. "I'm sorry I'm a fuck up Josh, I didn't choose for this to happen to me. Please don't leave me alone to deal with this."

"Woah, Si, where'd you get this idea of me leaving you from? I'm not going anywhere, you don't need to worry about that. Just because you're gay doesn't mean things will change. Your sexuality doesn't define you, and it isn't a choice. You shouldn't be ashamed or scared, it's okay now." I rubbed his back slightly to calm him down.

"You're not going to have a go at me for not telling you sooner? Or for distancing myself? Or for..."

"No Simon, all I'm going to say is why? Why didn't you talk to me sooner? You know I don't have anything against gay people."

"I was scared. I knew you didn't have a problem with gay people, but I was scared that would change if your best friend was one. I was scared you'd judge me, but most of all, I was scared you'd never want to speak to me again. I couldn't deal with that."

"Well that's not going to happen, I promise you that. I'm still going to be here, I'm not going anywhere. Now, you need to calm yourself down, and stop these useless tears, okay?" I said, using my thumb to wipe under his eyes.

He chuckled slightly, before saying, "I'm such a mess, shit." I just shook my head, laughing with him. Right now, he looked a mess because he'd been crying, but he was still the same Simon, he'd just been through a rough patch.

Simon's POV:

We sat in a comfortable silence for a little bit before Josh asked, "So...what caused all these tears?"

I decided the best thing to do was tell him, there's no point keeping anything from him except my crush on him. "I..." Damn, why do i have to stutter? "I've been hearing voices ever since the 'On The Spot' video I did with Tobi because I almost revealed I was gay then. Ever since then, I've had to be more careful and distant with everyone so that I don't slip up. So when the 'Think Words' thing happened, they told me to distance myself. But then the voices got worse the more I distanced myself, because I spent most of my time alone, which is when they could attack me. They kept telling me I was useless, and a freak, and that none of you cared, that you only pretended to. And then when you and Vikk left, their words hit harder, saying that you were getting fed up of me and that you were going to stop talking to me and telling me stuff because that's what I'd done to you. I tried so hard not to cry because I knew JJ was still here. And when JJ left, I couldn't keep them in anymore and then I just couldn't stop them once they started. I was so caught up, I didn't realise you and Vikk were even back. If I knew you were back, I would have been quieter."

"Oh Si," he squeezed me slightly tighter, the best that he could in the sort of awkward position we were in, "I'm kind of glad you didn't know, else you'd still be hiding this from me and driving yourself insane."

"True," I laughed, "it actually feels better to have it off my chest."

"Good, and you know I'm not going anywhere so you can stop panicking about that now."

"Yeah, I know." I paused for a bit before saying, "Thanks Josh."

"What for?" he asked, confused.

"I don't know, everything. For not leaving, for promising you'll stay my best friend, and just for being you."

"You're welcome, I guess." We both laughed. I'm so happy we can go back to how we were, now. I've missed the friendship we had before all of this. I know it changed because of me, but I've made it right.

"Well, I should probably be getting back to my room now, because I need to do some editing and then sleep. You need to sleep too Simon, I can tell you're tired because you keep yawning."

"I don't." I argue, yawning in the process. Damn it, I was trying to prove a point.

He laughed, "You just yawned, you can't deny that Si. All this crying has made you tired. Don't do any editing or anything now, just go to sleep and I'll see you when you wake up."

"Okay, night Josh."

"Night Simon." He went to leave the room but before he reached the door, he turned around and made one more comment. "This means I can make even more Emon jokes now, because you're gay, can't I?" And he was out of the door before I could reply. He's such a dickhead, I laugh, but my heart can't help but hurt at the fact he'll never like me back.