"They say:Be true to yourself and nothing will go wrong, but sometimes I wonder, how can you be true to yourself when you don't even know who you are anymore"
10 points if you know what order these chapters are going in.
I have this ritual that I made up for myself, it isn't religious or anything but it's something I do when I end up relapsing or something.Anyway, it all started one day in early 2016 my mom yelled at me because I was telling my friend over the phone that she could trust me and tell me anything. For one, my mom for some reason thought we were talking about sex, which in a way we were and she told me I was pressuring my friend.Anyway, she told me to get off the phone and I did. Once I was off the phone she said something along the lines of, "Why are you pressuring that poor girl? And why are you talking about sex, your only 14?" And I was like, "Mom I wasn't pressuring her, and she brought up the topic not me." And ugh she just yelled at me for being rude or whatever. Anyway, I was frustrated and I went to my room. I wanted to stop feeling guilty but there was no way for me to do that. So I ended up taking a shower. A very hot shower. I started crying a lot and I sat at the bottom of the shower letting the water run over my head. After a while, the hot water ran out and only cold water came out of the faucet. Anyway, this numbed my body an somehow my feelings too. I couldn't think or feel anything. I was blank and I really like that feeling. I started sneezing and my eyes turned red.The funny thing is as the bathtub filled up with cold water it somehow turned warm. I think that symbolizes something but I still have yet to figure that out. Anyway, I do this every time I get upset. It's a calming feeling, you should try it one day.
Fun fact, my parents were high school sweethearts and got married at 18. My life goal for real.
Also, I had a pet fish named Fredrick who died in the summer of 2016. He was a beta fish and he died for unknown reason. Honestly, I think he was bloated cause he looked like he was pregnant not gonna lie. Still he was like my best friend. I bought him with my own money and I left so accomplished. His full name was Fredrick Finn Sharkbait. Appropriate right?
-Lirah (N.Y)
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Note: And because I'm extra as fuck. Look at this adorable picture!↑
