Thoughts of a teenage girl | Story of Lirah

25:Y

Thoughts:

My hands haven't stopped shaking since this morning. I haven't really eaten all day, I just had a spoon full of frosting just to make sure I don't have another attack from low sugar or whatever. Usually my tummy would be killing me by now but it feels normal. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I can't get this stupid app called pencil2D to download on my laptop and it's frustrating me. Like I've got the application but it wont run unless it has certain files in the same document  but like every time I try to run it, it says "The program can't start because QtCore.dll is missing from your computer. Try reinstalling the program to fix this problem" But the stupid Qt thing is on my computer and in the same freaking file like, what the actually fuck mate? I don't know...I tried finding other applications to download but none of them are as good as Pencil2D. I think I want to get into animation so yeah, I thought I'd give it a go. I fell asleep around  5:30pm and woke up five hours later at 10:00pm. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just layed in my bed and cried for 15 minutes. See the thing is, I can deal with shit when it's day time but in the night time I just can't anymore. It's like my demons are stronger at night and they can easily just tie me around their finger and do whatever they want to me. It really sucks, that's why around now I'd be sleeping to ignore the demons. But I can't. I need to think this whole situation through and come to some sort of conclusion. To be honest with you, I was going to run away this morning when I found out what happend. I was just going to put on my shoes, get my money, and leave. When shit hits the fan like that, I tend to want to forget about every thing and just move on. But I didn't I went to class, I wrote a letter to my father, and I slept. That was my way with dealing with it. I wish I would run away but that's a sign of weakness just giving up is weak. So I didn't. I can be strong right? I can face problems and get pass them right? I wont give up right? I will rise and stand my ground waiting for the nights return right? I hope so..I have a killer headache right now from all of the crying, my eyes are red and my body wont stop shaking. I thought about taking a cold shower but I don't know...I don't think it'll do any good. I haven't talked to anyone today besides my honey bunny and my Aunty. Those are the only people I actually trust. Other than that, I'll sing myself to sleep or repeat a quote meaningful to me.  I'm really mentally unstable right now and I hate to most likely end this book on a depressing note. I don't really want that but I can't just pretend to be happy, or can I? I guess pretending would be my best bet. Just to keep my readers from thinking negative I guess. I have one more chapter to write before this book ends and I'll try to hold off until tomorrow night. Maybe things will be better then. Until next time.

-Lirah (N.Y)