Ghosts Of The Past (A t.A.T.u Fanfic)

chapter 44: Why she feels that way.

Dyke
Freak
Whore
demon
disgrace
Lair
stupid girl
Slut

Her mind was an array of thoughts, each insult her memories conjured from the past making her stomach clench tighter than the previous one. Her body stung with phantom pains, as if the nerves themselves recalled the pain that they had endured at the hands of many. She wanted to scream, though she knew she couldn't. She wanted to cry, but was she really allowed to when all this shit was her fault?

Drawing her knees to her chest she struggled to catch her breath, her lungs protesting as if they were filled to the core with some kind of sludge, memories replaying like films before her eyes.

you stupid girl! Look what you did! You can forget about me fixing dinner tonight you ungrateful....

Her heart felt as if it would beat out of her chest, the images of the dropped jar shattering against the floor and the rough touch of a hand shoving her away, her still sore back colliding with the refrigerator and causing tears to spring to her eyes.

Shut up brat or I'll give you something to cry about.

then the second blow came, colliding across her face.

Yulia couldn't breath, she couldn't think, she couldn't even feel anything other than the pains running through her body although she knew that they were just an illusion summoned by her own dark thoughts.

Please....whatever is out there....Please let this end soon!

She pleaded mentally with whatever higher power was out there, her throat feeling as if it was closing. Standing shakily she headed toward the bathroom, only to become light headed and lose her balance, knocking into the door which in turn slammed against the wall.

The next thing she was aware of was someone there, a hand guiding her toward the closed toilet, helping her take a seat.

"Breathe Yulia. It's okay, I'm here to help."

She was aware of the voice, though she couldn't focus on it.

"Do you need anything?"

She heard him say and she managed to shake her head.

She felt a hand gently fold around the back of her neck, the touch allowing her to realize just who it was in the room with her.

"Ivan?"

She muttered, earning a sigh.

"Yes Yulia. It's just me."

He answered softly, kneeling down beside her before adding

"Do you need anything?"

Yulia just burried her face into her hands, trying to control the sobs that now wrecked her body.

"Is it those thoughts again?"

He asked after some time, earning a nod.

"I see. I'm going to go get you some water....Stay put and work on your breathing okay?"

When he came back Yulia was still shaking but at least not hyperventilating.

"Here, slow now."

He instructed, handing her the water, which she basically chugged despite the tremble in her hands.

Ivan saw the dead look in Yulia's eyes as he watched her slowly stand, putting​ the cup onto the sink before heading into her room.

"Would you like for me to leave?"