The Desired Effect ~ Cameron Liddell

Chapter 14. "Suck My Balz"

It had been four days since the incident. The incident I was told about, because I had no idea what happened. It had been four days and Danny hadn't calmed down - every time I did something he offered to help, or watched to make sure I was okay. I thought he felt bad for almost killing me. I also thought that maybe he realized how easy it is to kill someone, how vulnerable people really are, and that scared him. "I quit." He spoke up suddenly. I didn't realize for a few seconds that James, Ben, and Cameron might have assumed that meant Danny was quitting the band. Then, Danny loved being famous far too much for that. "Twitch. No more. I'm getting rid of it. I don't want it anymore."

"How much did you buy it for?" Cameron spoke up. I looked up at him from my place on the counter.

"There's like... four hundred worth left in there." Cameron pulled out his wallet and scanned the cash inside. You really know how to buy in bulk, Ben muttered.

"I'll give you one-"

"Fuck it, just take it all, I don't want it." Danny sighed and threw up his hands. "As long as you don't give it to her," Danny glared at me. "I don't care what you do with it. I'm not watching that shit again." Danny said, as if it was his first time seeing someone OD. As if he never OD'd himself. As if it was that big a deal. Life for me carried on as usual with a sore chest and a crust scab in the middle of it. We probably should have taken me to the hospital after - but going to the doctor means you're sick, and admitting that we would never do, so we carried on. We treated that tour like it was our lives soul mission. Play the shows, survive, never say die, make it home if we can. I followed Cameron into the back lounge because it was better than sitting across from Danny. I couldn't be upset with Cameron's willingness to spend money we hardly had if I wanted the same thing he did. He instantly pulled off the couch lid. Under one of the bags was another bag full of needles and whatever else Danny used. I knew there was a brick of cocaine somewhere on the bus too, but I knew there was usually a brick of it somewhere, so I wasn't focused on that. If I could have it whenever I wanted I had no interest. "You're not getting into this." Cameron grabbed one of the bags and jammed a hole in the side of the thin plastic with our house key that was attached to the set on his chain.

"Why not?"

"You almost died and I wasn't sober enough to do anything about it. And I promised Danny." The crystals were mesmerizing still. Like a box of diamonds - dark blue diamonds. I was scared too, that much was true, but only because I didn't remember it. It must have been bad for it to scare Danny sober, but Cameron's words made it sound so sweet. I'm not drunk now. We can see that I don't do too much this time. I want things to be beautiful too.

"Since when do you listen to Danny?"

"Good point." I sat down beside him. "How so, my lady?" I grabbed a shot glass from the window sill and grabbed a crystal. I crushed it up into a fine powder and watched Cameron get everything ready to inject. He dissolved it in his mouth, and spit it into the vial, and sucked it up with the needle. He seemed like an expert, I guessed from watching Danny do it so many times, and it was so eerie. I cringed slightly watching him do it, but soon after his entire body relaxed as he slouched down into the fake brown leather bench. He got a dazed look in his eyes and smiled slightly. "See. It's nice." When the powder was crushed up fine enough I took a deep breathe and snorted it. Snorting, I had done before. Not many times, but enough to know how it works. It felt like I got another adrenaline shot. My heart started beating in my ears and my breathing got fast and suddenly everything I saw was not only new but so exciting. "Your eyes." Cameron beamed. I looked behind him at the mirror. I always wanted blue eyes. "How does that work? The glow."

"I don't know. Maybe I'm radioactive." I made a face and Cameron laughed. "Let's go." I took his hand and pulled him with me out of the room. I grabbed a pair of his sunglasses and stuffed them on my face before dragging him out with me. Glowing eyes would tip off Danny that Cameron lied, and the last thing we needed was for Danny to be upset with us. The last thing anyone needed was to upset Danny, and I didn't want him to follow us around in case I died again. I started running as fast as I could down the street, knowing Cameron could keep up with me easily if he wanted, but he just strolled on like it was a perfect summer afternoon from an old painting. I stopped and hid behind a black car parked on the street. I grabbed the curb and sat down crouched up in a ball. What is this feeling? How does it feel like this? My entire body was set to vibrate and I could barely breathe without screaming. I watched Cameron walk past, looking all around for me. This is fun. I'm hiding. This is so much fun. He looks so silly looking for me. When he finally caught up he knew exactly where I was and smiled bright.