The Desired Effect ~ Cameron Liddell

Chapter 19. "Half and Half"

I was much happier when I stopped caring about who was going to see me doing what. At the park, I actually took off the sweater I planned on clinging to for dear life. I was comfortable enough. I didn't care who saw my body, or who recognized us. Thankfully no one. I decided surely that I would go on walks with Danny and go out with Cameron more. Maybe even go see Brandi or Myca, if I gained some weight. The general public hadn't gotten pictures of me in months. Since the FDTD release party actually. And my weight had significantly dropped since then. I felt good after eating the donuts and getting burgers with Danny and Cameron. They both said they were proud of me and Danny drove home when we arrived back at the apartment. I got upstairs, not having touched drugs all day or all the night before. "This place is disgusting, Cam." My jaw almost dropped when I realized the mess I had just been stepping over for years. I went around with a trash bag in the bedroom, collecting every piece of garbage I could find, and emptying both ash trays into it. The room was already much cleaner. I brought the dishes into the kitchen and put them in the long empty dish washer, while Cameron through all the blankets in the washing machine. I put on some music on my small speaker and set on top of the TV, loud enough to hear through the whole house. We got to work and managed to get the entire apartment spotless much faster than I thought we could - it still took us two days thought, will plenty of naps and smoke breaks included. I managed to eat steady meals the entire time, forcing myself to eat at normal times even if I wasn't hungry. I needed to get my stomach and my body back to normal before I could even think about having anyone over but Danny. But he was staying at Ben's, so it was only Cameron and I. And we had plenty more needles and crystals than we thought, that we found while cleaning. I had managed a perforated septum from snorting it constantly over the years, so I just injected it from then on. Mainly in my neck, or arm, or thigh.

"...about anything. Fuck it all. I don't care about how people think I look. They can say whatever they want. I don't care about my weight or food or my hair or how I look or anything. I don't care about the apartment or the laundry or the TV or the porch or this bed."

"Oh. Do you care about me?" I finally sat down on the ground next to Cameron, all my energy exhausted.

"You're the only thing I do care about. And Danny cause he's like my best friend, obviously."

"He wants to put you in the hospital." Cameron sighed dreamily, pulling me close so my head was resting on his chest.

"Half the country does." I sighed, smiling. "I'm their corrupt little darling. The broken one. Everyone wants to know what's going on inside my head but no one can. Cause it's my head." I popped another crystal in my mouth to melt it.

"Me too." He nodded at the bag between us. "Babe you're perfect."

"Exactly how could someone have self esteem issues when they have such a perfect boyfriend? Not possible. Perfect. You're perfect. Perfect perfect perfect." I spit out the melted crystal straight into the needle before putting the plunger back in. I swallowed anything that might have been left in my mouth before injecting Cameron, and then myself. I leaned into him more, energy falling out of me like a shooting star.

Cameron's POV

"Cam?" I heard Danny run into the house, Naomi in my arms in the bedroom.

"No no- I'm in here." She fell asleep. Beside me in bed a few hours later. And now she won't wake up. Not again no no no. Danny ran into the room with a giant needle. Adrenaline. This hadn't happened since the first time we did it on the bus.

"Fuck." Danny took her from me, lying her down flat on the bed. Her nose was bleeding.

"Danny what do we do!" I cried out, my breathing heavy. "She's dead she's dead she's gonna die is she going to die-"