Stardust- A Jyn and Cassian Fanfiction

Chapter 14- Jyn

As they drag me through the door of the cell, I remain strong.  I may be broken deep inside, but I won't show it.  Not right now.  As the door closes, I look up to the ceiling.  I have a long time to wait.  Which also means a lot of time to think and reflect on my short life.

I run my hands across my hair, absentmindedly feeling my braided hair beneath my fingers.  The flower crown weaved intricately in my hair has wilted slightly, the flowers turning a crispy brown color and the twigs cracking.  But I don't want to take it out.  It's the only reminder of Cassian I have.  My shackles clink ominously, reminding me of the hundreds upon hundreds of days I have spent in Imperial captivity.  Although the shackles never really bothered me then.  They bother me now.  As far as I've gone, as much as I've learned, I've ended up at the mercy of the Empire once again.  It never fails.  I suppose that you never realize how much you appreciate something until it's taken away from you.  

And now my freedom is gone once again, probably for the rest of my life.  But above all, Cassian is gone as well.  The fact that I'm never going to see him again weighs me down, so much that it hurts.  Part of me wants to curl up in a ball, ignore everything and cry for hours about my tragic life.  I've had no childhood, no parents, no love.  I haven't had any of the things that so many others in this Galaxy cherish about their lives.  

The one thing that I've ever truly cared about in my life was ripped away from me, quite literally.  My time with Cassian was much too short.  I would trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday.  I just don't know why, but Cassian is different.  Maybe it's the way he always looks on the bright side of things, or how he smacks his head when I tell him a bad pun.   Perhaps it's the way he wraps his jacket around me and kisses me goodnight underneath the stars.  I'm not sure what makes Cassian so different from anyone else I've ever met.  But he truly cares about me, and is always there when I need him.  For some reason, I just really like spending time with Cassian, and I'll do anything in my power to keep him safe.  I've done amazing things when I'm concerned about his safety.  I've never done anything like that around anyone else.  My fear and concern for him is one of the strongest emotions I've ever felt.

Which is part of the reason I'm not thinking that it's fear.  It's much too powerful to be fear.

It feels like fear.  But something is causing the fear inside of me.  

What is it?

But that's not an important issue right now.  What matters is that I care deeply for Cassian, and he's gone for good. There's nothing good left in my life.  I could cry, and simply drown in my own tears. 

But that would be giving up, and I know that giving up isn't what I should be doing right now.  I don't need Cassian to live.  He's a very nice addition to my life, but my heart will continue beating, despite how broken and shattered it will be.  

So I'm not happy, nor sad.  I remain broken, a shell of my former self.  Or more like the shell that I was before.  The Empire really destroys any hope inside of you.  From the time I was broken out of jail until now, I was alive, filled with joy and purpose.  Now I'm back inside, and the hope has nearly disappeared.  But there's still a chance I can make it out of here with Cassian.  And that's how I know that I'm not giving up just yet.  I need to escape, and hopefully find Cassian along the way.  I look around, scanning my surroundings.

The Empire definitely knew that they were going to be dealing with me.  I'm shackled to the floor, with a bench to sit on.  There's two stormtroopers guarding the door, and I have absolutely no idea where I am.  But they didn't search me, so I may have something on me that can aid me in some way.  It's definitely going to be a challenge to escape, but I'm sure I can figure it out.  The Empire always has a flaw, no matter what.  Stormtroopers can't hit anything.  They're so big, they can't control everything.  They don't really keep track of their ships, and the Rebellion can steal them with ease.  Even their most powerful weapon has a flaw.  It's very small, but it's still a vital flaw.  With the Empire, no matter the situation, the trick is just figuring out exactly what that flaw is. I'll need time to figure that out, but unfortunately, I don't think I have much time left.