Stardust- A Jyn and Cassian Fanfiction

Chapter 20- Jyn

Hello, my fellow Rebelcaptain/Jyssian/Jassian/Jyn x Cassian/Whatever shippers!

Okay, sorry for the note, but I am totally in love with this GIF.  Sassy dancing stormtroopers.  How could I not share this with y'all?  XD

ONTO THE STORY.

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As I walk to the hotel with my hand fiercely intertwined with Cassian's, my heart is soaring.  I haven't felt this spectacularly happy in a long time.  I mean, I've been happy a lot more recently than ever before, but I haven't reached this level of happiness since I first kissed Cassian so long ago.  I feel like I could conquer the universe.  I don't know what other words I can use to describe how I feel.  But it's amazing.

To be honest, I think that it's about time that he confessed his true feelings for me.  I was planning on telling him that I love him tonight if he didn't.  I could sense his compassion and love for me, maybe because of the Force, or maybe a connection solely based on how well we know each other.  Either way, I know that he loves me, and he was struggling with himself about it for several days.  I certainly don't blame him for that.  Neither of us are exactly "experienced" in love or relationships at all.  It took him a while to figure it out.  That's okay with me.  But now that we know it for sure, we've realized that we loved each other all along.

I mean, dang.  Cassian is an amazing human being.  Even when I hated him at first, I certainly admired his strength.  He sticks to his orders, and becomes a machine when he puts his mind to it.  He respects everyone as a human being.  He let me keep that blaster that I stole from him, even though he didn't trust me.  He respected my views and my insistence on being armed, and even though he didn't agree, he didn't try to take it back.  He respected me way more than anyone in the Empire ever did.  This made me respect him in return.

I think that was the first tiny step towards being in love with Cassian.

It just increased from there.  On Jedha, he rescued me from Saw's place.  He knew that I wasn't needed anymore for the mission.  Yet he still came back and found me, wasting precious time that he could've used to escape the impeding wall of destruction.  That's kind of when I realized that he cares for me.  He didn't have to be there for me at that moment.  Yet he was.  He saw me at my most vulnerable time, right after I had seen my father's message.  He didn't simply blow me off.  He helped me, guiding me back to the ship.  I think this when I started to have a bit of a crush on him, but honestly, we were so busy trying to save the Rebellion that I didn't really give it much thought.  

Even when I was incredibly mad at Cassian for planning to kill my father, I couldn't stay angry for long.  The grief was much stronger than the anger, and I knew that I couldn't simply blame Cassian for Galen Erso's death.  Cassian had every chance to fire that shot, to finish the mission, to end the life of a man who he knew was innocent.  Yet he didn't.  At the time, I didn't know what stopped him.  But I think I know now.

He saw me in my father, and just simply couldn't kill him.

I'm assuming that he realized that what he was doing was wrong.  When he saw my father, he realized that this is a living, breathing human being, not a robot to be massacred.  The same goes for everyone else he's killed.  By respecting me as a human, when he saw my father, he realized that Galen should be respected as well.  But that's just my assumption.  Either way, Cassian became a much better person after that.

Time after time again, I found myself respecting Cassian more and more.  He assisted me in going against the Rebellion's orders and capturing the Death Star plans.  He helped me find the plans.  When I thought he was killed, I nearly screamed in horror.  But I couldn't let Krennic know that he had gotten to me.  I had to keep going.  After I transmitted the plans, Cassian somehow made it up to the dish and wounded Krennic so I would live.  He was beaten, bloody and looked downright messed up, yet somehow I was still attracted to him.  I nearly kissed him in that elevator.  I hugged him to death on that beach.