That Lost Feeling {OUAT fan fiction}

Chapter 10

'We both have war inside us. Sometimes it keeps us alive. Sometimes it threatens to destroy us.'

- Veronica Roth, Insurgent

I wake up and the first thing I notice is Hook’s warm body against mine and his arms around me and I can’t help but a flash of unlimited happiness. That kind of feeling that you get when something great happens and you feel it warm up your heart and make your lips tuck into a smile. Apparently, Hook has been awake before me, because I can hear his breath is heavy.

‘Good morning, love.’ He says, confirming my suspicions. Another flash of that happy feeling. He has called me ‘love’ and ‘sweetheart’ more than once, but I figured it was his thing and he always seemed to use it when he said something sarcastically. But not this time. Now it was different and it made my heart skip a beat. I rolled over so I could look at him and I feel the smile is still on my face.

‘Good morning, Killian.’ I say teasing him. I’ve never called him Killian, he was always Hook to me and he always will. It even sounds weird to call him that, even though it is his real name. He chuckles softly and kisses me once and then he pulls back. He knows that is driving me crazy.

‘It is nice to be called Killian once in a while actually.’ He says smiling. ‘But don’t make it a habit.’

‘Well, I admit it is nice to be called love once in a while.’ I answer and I snuggle closer to him.

You got it bad, girl. The little voice in my head said and this time it actually made me smile. Yeah, I got it bad, but that isn’t a bad thing. Yes, he still hasn’t made his choice, and yes he can still break my heart. But I have to live in the present and right now, the present is this.

I love him.

And even though I tell myself to live in the present, I still can’t say the words, for one simple reason; he can still break my heart. As long as he hasn’t told me he loves me, that little voice that is taunting me for days now keeps telling me he can still leave. For one moment I wonder if I am not so desperate I would go after him to Storybrook if he leaves. But then Hook interrupts my thoughts.

‘It is time to get up, but I didn’t want to wake you.’ He says and I see in his eyes he doesn’t want to leave the bed either. But his words bring me back to reality.

This night was like one night off all the crap in Neverland. Today is the day I’ll have to kill Peter Pan. My enemy. I’m not even supposed to have an enemy. But here it is kill or be killed. A week ago I might have gotten myself killed. But everything has changed now. I have Hook and Tinkerbell and even Smee has become my friend. And Neverland made me realize I need to be there for my father. Made me realize how much I love him and I need to go back to him, even though I have no idea what kind of story I am going to tell him.

Hey, dad, I am sorry I was gone for over a week, I was in Neverland where I fell in love with a pirate and oh yeah, little detail, I killed a kid.

No way in hell, I can ever tell him the truth about this place. I could tell him of course I met Hook when I went out and that we fell in love and that I spend a week with him. But he would never believe that. For starters I don’t go out any more, not since my mom died and second, he knows I’m not the kind of girl sleeping with every boy she has a crush on. Okay this is a bit more than a crush, but my father doesn’t know that.

I guess all this must have shown on my face, because Hook’s expression becomes serious and he takes my face between his hand and his hook so I have to look at him.

‘Carrie, sweetheart, you know what to do. I’ll be there for you.’ He says and I feel a sudden flash of panic.

‘Will you?’ I breathe, while I struggle to get air. Oh, no. No panic attack. I used to get them once a month or so after my mom died. But after a year I found out, I needed to find an anchor when I felt the panic attack come. After that they didn’t came a lot and eventually they stopped.