That Lost Feeling {OUAT fan fiction}

Chapter 19

I feel like I should mention this has some mature content. Well anyway, I said last chapter there would be slow updates, but I am kind of postponing learning for my finals today. I hope it doesn't happen to much ^-^

"There are seven days in a week and 'someday' isn't one of them."

-unknown

Over the last two weeks, I have imagined what I would do if Hook was to show up againmany times. I’d imagined I’d scream at him. Hit him. Throw the door into his face. I had wondered what he would say. That he’d try to talk to me, but I’d cut him off before he could even finish the first sentence.

None of it happened.

I just stared at him, unable to say anything, let alone to scream. The numbness slowly fades and the emptiness fills up with emotions that are going through me like crazy. My heart aches again, but I’m not sure of what exactly.

I still have my hand on the door handle, keeping the door half open. I don’t know how long I stand there in the door way frozen. Hook doesn’t make a move forward, but looks at me half concerned, half anxious about what I’m going to do. I suddenly wonder if he thinks I’m going to scream or hit him, just as I imagined.

I want to say something –anything- but when I open my mouth, no words come, so I close it again and then feeling stupid I don’t have anything to say. After staring at each other for what I think are five minutes, just taking each other in, Hook finally says something.

‘I finally found you.’ He says, stating the obvious. He’s probably still anxious about my actions, although I have no idea what they will be.

It takes me another minute to realize no anger will come. Believe me it is there, but there are more important emotions to worry about.

With a sigh, I open the door and step away so Hook can come in. It is not like I have a choice. I need to deal with this anyway, so I better do it quick.

‘Thank you, Carrie.’ He says as he walks in and turns towards me as I close the door again. I suddenly feel tired. The week at the office is getting to me.

‘Say whatever you need to say.’ There is no anger, no hate or coldness in my voice. Just weariness. And this seems to surprise Hook although the flash I saw in his eyes is gone before I can be sure. He is silence for a second, probably of guard by my non-anger attitude.

‘I’m sorry,’ he starts, but I cut him off.

‘You’re a little late for that, aren’t you? Is that all you came here to say?’ I say, this time with a little flash of anger, but I take a breath and fold my arms waiting for him to continue.

‘No, that is not all.’ He takes a step forward. ‘I was wrong. Never been more wrong in my life. I thought I needed the revenge to get on with my life, but then I entered Storybrook,’

I wanted to stop listening. I didn’t want to hear how he killed Rumplestiltskin. How could he think otherwise? Did he come here to make it worse for me? He’s not that cruel, is he?

‘And when I found the Dark One, I saw him with this young woman. She seemed to be able look past the darkness and see the man. Then I realized that, that could’ve been us.’

He shakes his head and he reaches out for me. As his hand reaches for my jaw I feel the desire rushing through me and I realize how much I want him to touch me, to comfort me. When his hand is only inches away, I consider jerking my head away, but the desire is too strong. Then his fingers brush my cheek and I feel the fire underneath them, which I’ve been longing to feel since the moment I ran away after our fight. I lean into him, closer to his hand, but he still has to straighten is arm to touch me. I want to close the gab between us and let my lips find his. I want to bury my face into his shoulder and let him hold me as I sob. I want the fire to spread.