That Lost Feeling {OUAT fan fiction}

Chapter 16

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

-unknown

I know I won’t make it to my house. We’re not even half way there, not even ten minutes from the port when I collapse on a low wall made of stone. I went from disbelieve, to nothing, to anger, to furious, to disbelieve again, to completely broken hearted.

The others have caught up with me and they look down at me awkwardly and with so much pity in their eyes, it makes me cry even harder. I don’t want to cry in frond of these people. I don’t want to break down in frond of my friends.

But maybe that is the reason that I do. Because they are my friends.

In the short amount of time, these pirates and this fairy have become the closest friends I have had in ages. But there is nothing they can do for me now. And they know it.

Tears are running down my face, dropping onto my hands that are folded together on my lap and the few lost tourist who past stare at our group of people. We must look crazy to them. One woman, crying her heart out, surrounded by mostly guys with weird fitting cloths who try to comfort her, but clearly fail.

Tinkerbell sits down next to me on the stone wall and puts her arm around me. Ian follows her example and sits down on the other side of me.

I notice I try to think about anything else but what just happened. Anything else but the pain I’m feeling. It is so much easier to think about my surroundings, my friends and the still breathtaking view, than the fact that I have been dumped. No, dumped is not the right word. I’m totally, utterly, completely heartbroken. This is something I’ve never experienced before. These emotions that take over my body are so strong they are fighting each other to have the upper hand and it is frighten me. I shouldn’t feel like this. I’ve known Hook for what? A week? Less then two that’s for sure. This is crazy.

He dumped me so he can have his revenge and if that’s what he wants, fine. He just doesn’t know what he is going to miss in his life. When he enters Storybrook, when he has killed Rumplestiltskin, there is no going back. I will not let him back into my life. I will never have my heart broken again. It is not worth it. And I’m not going to cry for him. He is not worth it.

In the next few weeks I will not think about Captain Hook. I will go back, take care of my father, my freshly made friends, I’ll find a new job and finish my book. That is what I’m going to do.

Then I realize I left the first three chapters I had already written on the ship. I was so angry I had totally forgotten about them. Well, I’ll never be able to write about the perfect time I had with Hook anyway, so it doesn’t really matters. Not so perfect otherwise he would still be here.

When I thought I finally calmed down a little, it starts all over again. And I hate myself for being so weak, so dependent, so stupid, so crazy, so… broken. I thought Neverland had made me strong again, but now I know I was wrong. If I was strong, Hook wouldn’t be able to break me like this.

Carrie, he can’t have this power over you...

I take a deep breath and slowly I run out of tears and my sight becomes clear again. I look at Tinkerbell, who looks down at me worried, then to the other side to Ian, who gives me an encouraging smile and then to Smee, who still doesn’t seems to know what to do. Even Hawk stands there awkwardly and it seems like even he has a little compassion hidden somewhere in side him.

‘Are you okay?’ Ian and Tinkerbell ask at the exact same time, like they rehearsed it and I notice they exchange a quick smile before glancing at me again.

‘No,’ I answer truthful, ‘but I will be.’

***

At one point I manage to stand up and I brush my tears away with the back of my hand. No more sobbing for me. I hook my arms in Tink’s and then though Ian’s and smile at them to reassure them. I will be okay.