Exposure & Shutter Speeds

| 12 |

Just keep breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. But it wasn't any use. I was on the verge of hyperventilating. My heart was beating so fast, and so hard, it felt like it had cracked my sternum. Or a rib. Maybe I had an actual cracked a rib? I laughed, I was verging on the edge of hysteria. Ha! Wouldn't that be funny?

I climbed the stairs, my muscles and limbs screaming at me to stop. To pause. But if I stopped, it would crash down on me. I wouldn't. I couldn't start again. I used the handrail to pull literally pull myself up the stairs. "Only a few more," I told myself. "You're nearly home. Home is safe. It'll be alright. Just get home."

I sighed in relief as my foot hit the top step of our apartment. I fumbled in my bag for the keys, my fingers hit the cool metal, and I clutched them like they where my life raft. They snagged on a pocket in my camera bag, and they fell to the ground. The sound echoing in the dark, concrete stairwell. I bent over to pick them up, grasping them and straightening immediately. My head swam, lightheadedly I struggled to get the right key to get in the door.

My mind screamed at me to process what had happened. But I refused. I squashed it down with old bitter roots of emotions I had dealt with the same way. If I don't think about it, it never happened. I repeated in my head, over and over. Finally grasping the right key, and unlocking the door, I burst through. Tears pricked my eyes. All I wanted was Liam, his arms would hold me together. He would stop the cracking, the splintering of my soul.

I heard a voices, and laughter. I froze, wracking my brains to think if he had plans. Confused, I called out, and walked deeper into the apartment -

"BETH!"

I was startled, and the dull throb of my headache increased tenfold. I was at work. Not in my old apartment. Not with him. I let out a relieved sigh.

"Earth to Beth - you've been cleaning the same computer monitor for the last 10 minutes. Are you ok?" My manager, Aiden, asked, concern lacing his  words.

I shook my head. Bad move. I groaned and clutched my forehead. "Yeah, I just had a fall this morning and hit my head. Nothing major, but I'm a bit spacey today." I replied, hoping my half truth was enough to cover me.

He glared at me. "Beth!" He groaned. "You should be at home! What if you're concussed?"

"I'm fine! I know what a concussion is and this isn't one. And anyway, I didn't want to give you more ammunition for teasing." I replied, exasperated

"Ok! Ok! But seriously, look after yourself."

I nodded, and went to go back to cleaning.

"Beth, you also realise your shift ended 5 minutes ago? Go on, head home and read a book." He smirked at me.

"Thanks" I replied sheepishly, and scurried back to the storeroom to grab my bag.

I slipped the strap over my shoulder, wondering why it was so heavy. I opened it up, and there sat my camera. How could I forget? I had thrown it in there in a fit of madness this morning. I looked at it again, almost glaring at it. "Come on Beth. It's not going to bite. You'll need the practice if you take on that wedding" a voice in my head spoke. I groaned. Of course. The wedding. Henry. Argh!

I walked out of work, and started to head home. I paused, taking in the scene before me, and instinctively reached for my camera. There was a homeless person, leaning up against a wall in an alcove on the Main Street. He was surrounded by what I assumed where his only belongings. A few meters away, in the same dark, cold alcove stood a businessman in an expensive suit, navy in colour. In the light, it almost looked black upon first glance. In one hand he had his briefcase, and had a massive iPhone glued to his ear. With the other, he was getting cash out of the ATM. I framed my shot, adjusted the aperture and the shutter speed and hit the button. A familiar rush of adrenaline and pride came over me when I saw the photo on the back of the screen. It was exactly as I had pictured it.

I reached into my bag and grabbed out an unopened water bottle and a musli bar. I walked over to the homeless man and placed them in his hands, offering a warm smile. He looked up at me, and grinned in return, thanking me.

I slowly walked in the direction of home, stopping to snap every now and again at things that piqued my interest, but nothing quite like the first image. I couldn't wait to get it home and edit it up. I looked at the time and stopped Wow. I've been shooting for close to an hour now. And I was having fun! I smiled, excited to have grabbed a little bit of my number one love back. I walked for another block and then stopped. The hairs on the back of my neck had slowly started to rise, until they where at full attention. My gut swam with anxiety, and my flight response kicked in. I kicked up my walking pace a little more. Whoah, I thought. Where had this come from? I stopped almost jogging and looked around. It felt like I was being watched. No, I was being watched. I just knew it.

I knew now to trust my gut. I hadn't last time, chalking it down to be me being an overly cautious, silly female. And look how that ended.  I shuddered. Panic was rising, and all my nerves where tingling. I looked around again, and I saw a face that made my blood run cold. If You had asked me to choose between giving up chicken nuggets, or see him one last time. I would have given up the chicken nuggets. Seriously.

His eyes locked on me and he started to walk my way.

It was Liam. My ex-fiancé.