If ...

Chapter 22

Kendall POV

Cristiano is taken off guard because of my sudden out burst . But he quickly recovers and put an emotionless face . 

He lets a sarcastic laugh and says "It's not like you have given me a choice , calling me at three in the morning whining about your small little nightmare " sarcasm dripping from his words

"I am not a girl with a temper , I rarely- no I never raise my voice at anyone , but I won't put up with your sour attitude . I barely know you , I didn't do anything to you , if this is because of the phone call then I am sorry , I am sorry for nth time . I already apologised , i wasn't intending on calling you I don't even know how did that happen . Don't you think that I already feel bad and embarrassed for waking you up at three in the morning ?" I am out of breath after my little speech

"And don't you dare , don't you dare talk about my nightmare , you have no right to talk to me the way you do and especially to judge me while you know absolutely nothing , nothing about my life " I say through gritted teeth

"Oh I know how girls like you live . How everything is available to them . If you wan't something you get it , daddy's little princess." His tone is cold , emotionless .

His word knocks the breath out of me . I bite hard on the inside of my lips to prevent the tears that already formed at the corner of my eyes to spill down my face .

And every ounce of respect I had for this man in front of me both as a player and human being has evaporated the second he opened his mouth .

I shake my head and spare him a last glance before saying " You are sick . You know nothing about me . " I let a small humorless laugh  " daddy's little princess ? That's as far as you can go . One thing you need to know , is that my life is far from perfect . " I turn around and try to leave .

Before going throught the gates , a hand wraps around my elbow and spins me around

"Don't you dare walk out on me " he says barely controlling his temper .

I snatch my arm from his grip , but fail when his grip tighten .

"Let.go.of.me" I say throught gritted teeth

"You don't know shit about life . You think life is all about rainbows and unicorns . Well I am sorry to break your bubble but it is not " he says still gripping my arms .

The tears I kept holding are no longer in my eyes . Hearing the same exact words that andrew said to me the night of the accident hurts . More than I could ever imagine.

When he saw the tears pouring down my face he pulled his hand away and opened his mouth "I-I.." he fumbles with his words

"Don't ... Just don't . You have said enough " I wipe my eyes and look at him with pure disgust .

"I don't want anything to do with you from now on . " I turn around  and starts walking .

"Oh and that job of yours I'm sure you can find someone else you barely know to say shit to " I give him a last glance and starts walking down the unknown road .

Perfect life he said ...  My life is everything but perfect .

That ass- Ugh ! He's going to make me go nuts .

I stop in my tracks and take deep breaths . I really need to run . I fish my phone from my back pocket and enter the directions home .

It's ten kilometres long road . I sigh in defeat and start moving my feet on the rough asphalt .

I let myself drown in my thoughts . How my life would have been if Andrew was alive , Dad wasn't sick , would I be here today ? No. Would I have met the player only a day ago respected and liked ? No. But mostly would I have met Zac ? No .

Zac's words from yesterday keep creeping throught my mind

"I believe that nothing happens without a reason"

Maybe it should have been like this ? Maybe I-I...should have been th-he reason Andrew dii-iied ?

"You should not blame yourself for something that you can do nothing about . What's done is done . You can't stop living because of the events of one single night . Yes , I know it's hard , I know he is your brother and that you feel guilty . But you should not , if you let this guilt control you it will eat you alive and suck the life out of you , kendall it is not your fault"

Kendall it's not your fault ... not your fault

I know he is right . They all are . About every other thing they say . But not when it comes to not being my fault .

I was behind the wheel . I hold the responsibility of Andy's death .

I just wish someday this weight on my shoulders , this weight on my chest would vanish , evaporate .

I'm tired of being sad all the damn time .

I'm tired of not knowing how happiness feels now .

I'm tired of pretending I am okay . Because one thing I know is that I am not okay .

Before I know it I'm already arriving the neighbourhood .

I look up my watch . It's seven thirty . I have been running for an hour and a half . And I all the frustration I was holding have tremendously decreased .

Will cara be awake by now ? What about zac ?

I make my way to the main building's door . And i'm surprised by seeing a familiar black Range Rover parcked in front of it .

I ignore it and try to get in the building . I hear a car door slams shut and a voice stops me from getting in

"Kendall , wait "

I turn around and I am met with a pair of hazel eyes that looks green because of the sun .

"What now ? Forgot some other hateful comment you didn't say ? " I say disgust dripping from my words .

He ignores my comment

"Where have you been ? I have been driving through the city for the last hour " he says and if I didn't know better I would  have believed that I heard concern in his tone .