If ...

Chapter 4

After what felt like minutes but were only seconds , cristiano let go of me and kept staring at me , until he finally spoke
"I am the one that should be thanking you for what you just said " and smiled for the first time during this whole conversation .

His smile left me puzzled , i never thought i would hear these words from anyone let alone him .

silence role between us , and the air held an awkward tension that suffocated me , and i couldn't bear to stay another second in this awkward silence , so i decided to break the tension

"Uh , well i have to leave , i .. it was really nice meeting you in person " i smile at him and turn around to leave not waiting for his answer. I feel like i might choke on the lack or excess of air . I don't know .

I begin to walk towards the door that held an 'exit' sign . Before i even pass the door i felt an hand wrap around my elbow .

"kendall ? uh right ?"

The tension i just escaped seem to get back , and my skin tingles from where his holding . I look down to his fingers wrapped around my elbow . He followes my gaze and draw his hand back quickly .

i haven't recovered from what happened seconds ago and i don't even know what to think from this .

him following me , calling my name . wait , how does he even know my name ?

" how do you know my name , i'm sure i haven't introduced myself " and embarrassment hits me from my lack of mamners .

"your jersey , it has your name "

Oh.

i wait for him to say something , but he only stares at me and his strong gaze makes me look down.

he seems to recover from his dazed state

" You are different " he says in almost a whisper , as if talking to himself .

i know that he didn't mean for me to hear what he just said . But i did , i heard it clearly.

" i hope i won't scare you off or something , but the boys and i were playing one lame dumbass shitty game , and i was uh , kinda dared to get the number of the first girl i meet " he looks everywhere but in my eyes , and scratches the back of his neck .

and i'm sure my jaw is laying on the floor . i don't know what to think of this . it's too much , especially for someone like me . I evwn dismiss his great choice of words

" Sure " i hear someone say, before i realise it's me who is talking , i am already typing my number on his phone .

" I should get going , it was nice meeting you kendall , i wish we had alot of people like you in this world, it would have been a nice place "he shots me a genuine dimples showing smile and left.

5 minutes later ,my cheeks are deep scarlett and i'm still standing where he left , woth puzzled thought and a hanging on the floor jaw .

i shake my head and follow tge exit signs that i missed earlier . How could i miss a big sign like this ?

Well this night has really been interesting .

Really interesting .

After twenty minutes of walking through the stadium halls , following exit signs and asking security guards , i finally managed to get out .

When the cold breeze hit my skin , i felt as if i finally was able to breath .

I waited for the cab i called 5 minutes ago to come , and i stood there replaying the events of tonight .

it's definitely a night to remember .

When the cab arrived i got in and gave the address of the apartment .

I should really get a car . That's if i decide to stay here forever . i don't want to leave my dad alone , and i miss home .

that is if i can drive a car again .

The ride went like a blur . i payed the driver and headed towards the main entry door .

I entered the elevator , pressed my floor's number and leaned on the cold wall on the opposite side of the door .

Dragging my feet towards the apartment's door , i knock and wait . Too tired to look for my own set of keys .

I hear shuffling on the other side of the door and it opens.

Mentally and physically drained i hold my finger to one of my roomates who also happen to be my best friend and dismissing her and walk towards my room .

i know i should be jumping up and down from the excitement , but my emotions have been throught a rollercoaster , a horrible rollercoaster that draines the life out of me day after day .

Yet , i'm still surviving and struggling of this force that keeps dragging me down in the dark .

it's not a force , it's me .

i'm bringing myself down and i can't stop it .

i don't want to .

I know the two  are waiting for detailed review of the game and how it was , even if they both watched it .

And if i wanna survive that , i need a hot steaming shower first .

i walk towards the shower , and strip of my clothes . i look at the mirror and something is different .

my eye are shinning , my cheeks are glowing and i look ... Alive .

not like the ghost i have been for the past two weeks .

I get under the hot water and sigh when the boiling water hits my skin .

i feel my muscle relax . And again  all the events from time creep into my mind .

After i'm done i pull my sweatpants up my legs and throw  oversized t-shirt on the top of my head . Not just any oversized t-shirt . his t-shirt  .

i take deep breaths , getting myself ready for the long list of question waiting for me in the other side of the door and turn the doorknob .