Regretting Bokuto | Bokuto x Reader

Chapter Sixteen • February 15th, 2017

••• February 15th, 2016 •••

You haven't talked to Bokuto since. You sit next to each other in class still but you don't say anything. You haven't even looked at each other. Everyone in class knows something happened between the two of you but no one knows what.

That night, once you were laying in bed, your mind started to think of everything. You thought about your actions and how embarrassing they were. You totally let your anger take over and ruin your relationship with Bokuto.

You're too afraid to apologize to him. You're scared he'll tell you he is done with you. Just like your parents decided with each other. Not talking to him leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but it's better than hearing he doesn't want to be your friend straight from his lips.

You feel lonely. You didn't realize how much of your time you actually spent talking to Bokuto. Whether it is when you are with each other or over text messages, you never quit talking.

Now that that is gone, you don't know what to do. You feel empty. You feel like there is something you should be doing. That something is talking to Bokuto, which you haven't done for almost a week.

Does he feel the same way? Or does he not care anymore? You took your anger and trouble out on him and he didn't even do anything to you. You felt so angry you had to channel it somewhere and Bokuto was there. At the wrong time. He probably doesn't even care about you anymore.

If someone did that to you, you wouldn't want to be their friend anymore. You blew up so big at him, how could he ever forgive you? How would he ever care about you again?

You messed up big time. Will you ever be able to talk to him? Could you talk to him without bringing up what happened? He'd probably ignore you.

You don't know what to do. You're completely lost and you feel utterly alone. You don't want to bother anyone with your problems. Maybe you should keep it to yourself.

You heard yet another groan from Bokuto in your math class. You also haven't helped him in math at all since you both fought. He's back to groaning like he did when you first met him.

Should you help him? This could be a chance to show him you want to make up. This one doesn't involve talking either, you don't have to deal with the dreading conversation.

You look over to him and see he is staring down at the problem on his paper. You grab the paper from him which takes him by surprise. Bokuto looks to you and watches as you write the formula down onto his paper so he doesn't have to look up at the board every five seconds.

You solve the first problem for him and place it back onto his desk without a word. You mind your own business again and continue with your work. You didn't hear a thank you for Bokuto but you didn't expect one. You don't deserve one. This was the least you could do.

Hopefully he can get by in math today by following your problem.

You didn't say or do anything with Bokuto the rest of the day. You had five minutes left of class until it was time to go. You were surprised at who started to speak to you.

"What is going on?" Bokuto questions you, referring to whatever triggered your blow up from before.

Just at the ask of the question makes you want to break down. You can't help but to have your eyes well with tears, "N-Nothing."

You recall the letter. You read it after you went back inside that night. You wanted to know what happens after the fight.

• February 16th, 2016
Bokuto and you get into a fight because you blew up on him due to the news of your parents. Make sure to apologize or else you both will gradually fade out. This was the fight that ended it all.

• February 20th,2016
You are not yourself in class after the fight the two of you had. Bokuto built up the courage to ask you if anything was wrong, even after the fight, and you shut him out. Don't. Let him know what is going on. Bokuto is trying to make it up to you so he doesn't loose you.

I pushed him away so much that he gave up on me. We never really talked again after that. I would try to talk to him but he would be the one pushing me away then. I took it as a sign to leave him alone.

Don't leave him alone. Please don't. Even if you have to scream at the top of your lungs for him to listen to you, speak to him. Please. This is the whole reason I am writing to you.

Don't loose Bokuto.

You know the letter said not to shut him out but you can't talk about this right now. You don't know what's going to happen from this but you don't care. You are not talking about this right now. You're tired of the letter telling how to react and what to feel. This is your life. Not hers. She had her chance.

Bokuto persists, "(l/n), you're going to cry. Please stop lying to me. What happened?"

"I'm fine!" You exclaim rather loudly, catching the attention of the room. "Please just leave me alone."

Moments after, the bell rang. Your tears showed no signs of stopping so you darted out of the room. You don't stop until you reach the library and find a quiet corner.

Why do you do that? Why do you push him away? Bokuto only wants to help you. You say you want to make up with him but push him away when it comes to it. Why?

The only reason you could gather was that you were afraid of what would happen when you let him in. What if he doesn't think that's a good enough excuse to treat him the way you did?

You're just afraid to hear those words from him.

'Leave me alone.'