Regretting Bokuto | Bokuto x Reader

Chapter Twenty Four • April 16th, 2017

••• April 16th, 2017 •••

Bokuto hasn't uttered a word to you since Friday. You take it that he was serious when he said he couldn't be your friend if you keep rejecting him, you can't blame him for the decision though. Maybe it's better this way because it seems like all you do is upset him in someway but it certainly is lonely.

You stake out on your bed today, not being able to find a reason to get out of it. What harm can come you way from lounging in your bed? (cat/name) is left snuggling against your side as your thumb continually caress his head. He is always there to comfort you when it comes to being emotional. The cat is the only one who you have left since you push out everyone else.

Your voice lingers into the cats ear, "You'll never leave me, right?"

Your moment with the cat was interrupted once your cellphone dinged at a notification. Your free arms stretches over to the nightstand and brings the phone into your grip. You sigh before sticking the phone up in the air to read it:

Mom:
Don't forget to take out the recycling

You roll your eyes at her text. She never checks on you to see how you are or what you're doing. Of course, though, it's because you've never told her anything. Why should she know to check in on you if she thinks nothing is going on? You never tell your father anything either.

Why? You always keep it bottled up. What is the use of it? So you don't have to deal with it? Why do you think it's so hard to deal with? Bokuto is constantly asking you if you're alright, although it is annoying, it is because he genuinely cares for you. Bokuto wants to know when you're doing alright and when you're not. Yet, you push him away for trying to help.

But you have hurt him a couple times now. Kaori was right. The next time you blew up you would hurt him. That's what you did. Moments after she said it too.

You groan.

You don't understand why you feel the way you do. You just need to tell people what's going on. You want people to be there for you, yet you avoid them. That doesn't make sense. If you keep pushing them away, they're going to end up liking it there.

Stop doing that.

Although you saw the text, you didn't open your lock screen, therefore the message went off again to remind you. You decided to use the recycling as a reason to get out of bed and actually be a productive human being. You grab (c/n) with you.

You set him down on a stair and grab the recycling bin from inside the house. You walk out of the house without your shoes and you end up tripping. You scrape your knees and the bin goes flying to the floor, the papers spilling out.

"Damn it," you curse a loud, "can I do anything right ever?"

You sit yourself onto the pavement as you begin to toss them into the bin. The oldest papers that were on the bottom of the bin, now on top of pile of paper. You return them to the bottom of the bin. You begin to get to the recent papers but some of them catch your eye.

Sloppy handwriting that can only be Bokuto's stare back at you. What are papers of his doing here? You pick one of them up.

You read the first one in the pile:

• February 16th, 2016
You and (l/n) fight. She said something awful to you but she is only going through a hard time. Please don't take it personal as hard as it is. This was the stupidest thing we ever did and I don't want you to let this affect the two of you. Please don't fight with her.

• February 20th, 2016
If the 16th failed, (l/n) begins to shut you out from everything. She won't talk. She won't share her feelings or say what's wrong. I never learned what she was going through. We gradually quit talking overall and this is my biggest regret. Don't let this happen. Keep prodding her until you get out what is wrong with her, whether she blows up or not.

I noticed over the school year she tends to try to take everything on herself and hides how she is really feeling. Take care of her. Let her know you care. Don't hurt her. Bug her even if she ignores you. Do whatever it takes.

Just don't loose her.

The papers drop out of your hands. Bokuto got them. Bokuto got the letters too. You weren't the only one. Bokuto's future was changing too. Bokuto had regrets.

About you.

You ran so fast into your house you almost slipped again. You dash upstairs to your phone and dial Bokuto's number. You called three times and he ignored all of them.

Petty.

Well..he did learn from the best. (you)

You throw on your regular clothes and say a quick goodbye to (c/n) before taking off out of the door. You have Bokuto's and your letter in hand. You hope to make things right now.

No more pushing away and no more lies. No more bottling anything up. You're telling Bokuto how you feel whether he still wants you or not. You're not hiding anymore. You're done with that now.

It's time to take charge of your life and toss away every doubt in your mind. It's time to grow up and face everything. Do something for yourself.