Regretting Bokuto | Bokuto x Reader

Chapter Eighteen • March 1st, 2017

••• March 1st, 2016 •••

Your father found a house to move into. Although, he won't be able to move in until next month. Since his job is here, he can't go back to Tokyo. It's too far of a drive. He is forced to stay with the you and your mother in your original house.

Now that the cat is out of the bag about the divorce, the environment seems to be less hostile. Your parents squabbles aren't as often as they used to be. But when they do fight, it isn't a charming sight. You snatch the leash and hook it around your cat's collar loop, taking him for a walk. The leash was courtesy of Bokuto that night when he bought the whole store.

Regarding Bokuto, though, nothing has changed. You're still gloomy about it all but who wouldn't be? You lost your best friend. It aches even more when you see Bokuto's instagram photos as you scroll down you feed because she appears in them sometimes. One of them had her in the background of a photo, she was at the volleyball team's practice.

You remember when you would go.

You pull yourself out of your self-reflecting to notice Bokuto in line in the lunchroom from your table. You yearn to talk with him more than he could comprehend but you believe he hates you. All you've done since the dispute is damage him. Bokuto was nothing but compassionate and all you did was push him away as far as you could manage. You don't want to put him through that again by bothering him with your presence. Bokuto deserves better.

"Just go and apologize." Your friend pleads. "You're staring at him like a lost puppy. Stop holding yourself back."

You counter her, "You don't understand. I hurt him."

"That's why you apologize." She continues, "You think we have never hurt anyone in our lives? We all have. If you kept yourself from everyone you've hurt, at least once, you wouldn't have very many people around you. Little or big. Purpose or accident."

Another friend speaks up, "Families get in fights sometimes and say nasty things. Eventually, they forgive each other. Friends are the same way. Some friends part but if you were made for each other then you'll come back. I'm sure he is hurting being away from you just like you're hurting being away from him."

"What makes you say that?"

"Bokuto-san might act fine but I'm sure he isn't. You were as much a part of his life as he was with yours. Why do you keep telling yourself he hates you?"

"It's because I hurt him."

They bark in unison, "Then apologize!"

You think about it. What if you hurt him again? What if he doesn't want to be your friend? What if he will never forgive you? What if. What if. What if...

"Please. I don't want you to loose Bokuto-san."

The letter accelerates through your head at the exact words. In the future, you have deep remorse about letting Bokuto go on without you. You already feel that remorse right now. Is this what the future was talking about? This heavy feeling of sorrow and heartbreak? All because you were too petrified to talk to him after the fight? Is this feeling going to be your future?

You don't want to see a future without Bokuto.

You find yourself getting out of your chair of the lunch table. You see Bokuto leaving the lunch line with his tray in his hands. You bolt to his figure and your arm hook around his waist from behind, coiling him into a hug. The sudden force of your body colliding with his and Bokuto's shock, the tray plunges onto the floor.