Unstable ⭐Gratsu⭐

Chapter 4

Warning: there is self harm in this chapter if it'll hurt or trigger you in anyway, please do not read.

I love you guys, stay strong!

I arrived back to Mongolia way before any of the others did. I had wrapped my jacket around myself tightly as I walked through the vacant streets. It was now early morning so not a lot of people were out. I made my way down the streets until I made it to mine. I stood still for a moment, looking down the vacant street. Normally I would go back to the guild after I completed a mission but today, I just wanted to go home.

So that's what I did. I went home and shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it since my teammates would probably break in after they get back. From there, I went to the bathroom.

I removed my clothes and threw them into a heep on the ground. For the first time in a while, I looked myself over in the mirror. I started to cry at how weak I was. I couldn't even defeat the enemy. My friends had to run in to save me. I crawled to the cabinet and opened it up. Inside was a small container that I had hid all my blades away in. I picked one up and brought it over to my stomach.

My shoulder ached already. It really hurt and with every movement I made it felt like it was about to fall off, but it wasn't enough pain. So I brought the small metal object down to meet my skin and slid it across. Blood immediately pooled up around the cut. I watched as it slowly slid down my stomach and to the ground.

Ugly.

That is what this is and that is what I am. I brought the blade up to my skin once again to make yet another cut. Just as I was going through a huge crash came from my room making me go deeper than intended.

"Alright Popsicle! Come here and fight me!" I gasped when hearing Natsu yelling. I heard more thumping noises so I quickly stood up and reached to lock the door. I turned the shower on and stepped in for about ten seconds to rinse. I stepped back out and started drying off with a towel.

"I know you are in the bathroom and you can't stay in there forever. I plan to stay right here-" there was a soft thump noise from outside the door, "until you come out so I can knock some sense into you."

I sighed and slowly got dressed into my clean clothes. I scrubbed off the blood that had stained my face and pulled out bandages to wrap up my shoulder. I thought about putting some on my stomach too but decided not to.

When I had finally ran out of things to do I unhappily turned to the door and unlocked it. Upon hearing that Natsu had stood up on his feet. I pushed the door open and awkwardly stood there in my baggy tee shirt and jeans.

"Gray!" Instead of answering I kept my eyes down to the floor. "I can't believe you just left us like that! Why didn't you wait!"

I tried to walk away from him as tears welled up in my eyes. It is too early to be getting in a fight with one of my closest friends. As I was walking past him he put his hand on my good shoulder to keep me in place. I don't know if it was by luck or if he remembered which one was injured.

"Where do you think you're-" I lifted my head up to look at his face. His eyes grew upon seeing tears in mine. He lifted his hand off my shoulder slightly as I turned away. I began walking towards my bedroom, hoping he would leave.

"Gray, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I shook my head and stepped into my room. Just as I was about to shut the door he put his hands on it to hold it open.

"Why aren't you talking to me? Are you mad at me?" I shook my head as a small cry escaped me. I'm just so tired of not feeling. I put all my energy into trying to close the door but in this state Natsu was just so much stronger than me. Both physically and emotionally. I wish I was more like him. He finally shoved the door open enough for him to slide in. There wasn't any type of force coming from the other end so I ended up slamming the door shut and fell into it with tears streaming down my face. Natsu stepped over to me as I fell down to the floor. He waisted no time in bending down next to me.

"Gray?" I shook violently with sobs as I brought both of my hands up to cover my face. He reached his arms around me to pull me down into his chest. As soon as we made contact I wailed.

Wailed because I don't know who I am or what I'm doing. I wailed because no one truly needs me I'm just here to be here. I wailed because I want to know what it is like to love someone and have them love you back just as much.

The more I cried the tighter his arms got around me. When I finally calmed down I pulled away and began to fiercely wipe at my eyes. He watched me with sad eyes.

"Thank you for, helping." He nodded and sat down beside me to also lean back against the door. His eyes never went to something that wasn't me.

"Yea. But are you okay?" I thought about it. I wasn't okay in anyway. I was in more pain than I could ever imagine and the cut on my stomach was sore from making it deeper than I had meant to, not that I mind. I was sick of being me, sick of Gray. I wish I could just vanish altogether.

"Yea. I'm okay."