I've had trich since I was 6, and the 9 years between then and now have been full of what I call 'experiments'. When I was younger I never went to anyone for help, I was petrified about people/friends/ family knowing my problem. So, I had to battle it myself.
When I was between the ages 6-8, I pulled whenever, wherever. I really didn't think that what I was doing was bad. I would pull in school all the time, I remember my teachers asking me if I was pulling my hair out. I remember trying to stop myself by scratching viscously at my head, which only gave me cuts and scabs that would burn and sting.
Around 9-10 was when the comments and problems started creeping in. I have pictures of me at this age, and i'm basically bald. It was obvious that a kid who looked like that would have strange looks and comments. It also didn't help that I didn't have any friends (they all moved to different schools and suburbs). The way I tried to stop myself was by physically hurting myself, after an episode I would punch and pinch myself.
At 11-13 all hell broke loose. I was getting bullied, I was hanging out with horrible people and doing stupid things. It brought me to the point where I was bathing in various problems, I really hated my trich and I was getting crap about it everyday by my teachers and friends. One time during hard materials class, I accidentally sanded my nail off my finger when I was using one of the machines. It turned out that it hurt whenever I tried to pull my hair, and because of this my pulling was reducing. Once my finger healed, I would continue to cut and hurt my fingers. In the short term I believed it worked, however in the long term all I am left with is scars and dents in my fingers. (this was the time I got my psychologist).
13-15 I continued to slowly crawl up the ladder to stopping my trich completely. However, now I feel as though i'm not improving anymore and just staying still. Using my excellent graphing skills I have created a graph to show you what I mean:
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I'm bit lost as to what I do now. I've tried every trick in the book, it's unclear as to what I do or where to go. I'm very determined to get rid of it, i've had for ages and i'm sick of it. I dream about living without the problems of trich weighing me down.
A/N: I just want to say that I do not hurt myself or punish myself anymore. I really regret what I did to myself, and I will never do it again. It seriously did nothing for me except bring in more problems.
