Toxic Love

Reality check

I couldn't breathe. My lungs weren't inflating enough for me to carry the much needed oxygen round my body. The reality of the situation was just too much for me to bare. I had been attacked by Jamie and now Jax had gone out to find him. He'd broke his curfew and I don't even want to think what would happen if he actually found Jamie.

T passed me a smoke and despite the tingly feelings in my fingers from the slow creeping anxiety. I managed to handle a few puffs and it calmed me enough to think sensibly for a few seconds. I needed my phone. I needed to ring Jax and tell him to get back. I needed him. "Has anyone seen my phone" I sob out.

Jess hands me my bag. I fumble with it, snatching my phone out. I use my finger print to unlock it. I see I've got a text from Jax I'm sorry baby. I wasn't there to protect you. I let you down and I'm letting you down now. I can't do anything right can I? I can't leave this though Em. I can't look at your messed up face and know he's out there. I should be with you, trust me I want to be with you. I can't be the man you need me to be right now Em, not till I've settled this score with Jamie. Emma I love you, please forgive me x x x

I choke on a sob. The msg was sent 20 mins ago. I click on his name and press call. I lift the phone to my ear, holding my breath. It goes to answer phone, I try again the same happens. I open the txt he sent me frustrated and hit reply. Jax come home. I need you please. He's not worth it Jax. Just come home. I love you and need you x x I send him.

I chuck my phone on the sofa in frustration. I look around the room, T and Jess are huddled on the end of the sofa I'm sat on. Chris is on the cuddle chair his head buried in his hands. Tel and June are sat on the other sofa. No ones talking. Everyone's in shock and I can't stand the silence anymore.

"I've got to go and find him" I say getting up wobbly.

Chris jumps up "No way Emma. You can't leave, Jamie could still be out there. Jax will kill me if you go back out. It's not happening" Chris states.

"I agree. Not happening princess. Your hurt, you need to stay here. Do you want something for the pain?" Tel adds.

I nod at Tel and he leaves the room. I nod at Chris realising it's stupid, I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for him. I slump back on the sofa, my face is throbbing and I feel so desperately helpless. My phone pings, msg from Jax I'll be home as soon as I can baby. I love you, see you soon x x x. I groan that was informative. Tel walks in and hands me 2 pills and a glass of water. I drink them down without a second thought.

We're back to the waiting in awkward silence game. I'm staring at my hands. I'm suddenly feeling really sleepy. I lean my head on the side of the sofa and notice Tel give me a guilty smile. It hits me, the pills are gonna knock me out. I'm too sleepy to be pissed. I try but I can't fight the effects of the pills, soon enough darkness takes over.

When I wake up, the first thing to hit me is the pain, my throat hurts and I can't open my right eye. Everything feels tender and sore. I groan sitting up I realise I'm on the cuddle chair. Jess is asleep by the side of me. I'm no longer wearing last nights dress, instead I'm wearing one of Jax's tops and a pair of his boxers. I know he's not here. I wouldn't be on the sofa if he was. I get up trying not to disturb Jess. It doesn't work though.

Jess sits up rubbing her eyes. She smiles at me sadly and reaches over to hug me. I must look bad. She lets me go and sighs "I guess Levi isn't home either" she states matter of factly.

I shake my head and shrug. Looking around the room with my one eye. T and Chris are waking up on the sofa. Nate's asleep on the other sofa. I feel my hopes raise seeing Nate.

"Nate" I rasp out. My throat is hurting.

He doesn't move. Chris sits up and throws a remote at Nate, he jumps up in battle stance. I would normally laugh but everyone's unusually subdued. "What the fuck man" Nate shouts at Chris. Chris motions to me and Jess. Nate looks at us apologetically. He sits down and gives us a small smile.