Toxic Love

Rollercoasters

Waking up the next morning I feel groggy, I've slept strangely and it takes me a few seconds to register I'm downstairs on the sofa. The memory of last night comes back and I look to my side to see Jax sleeping. I'm snuggled into his side, I sigh, stupid body betraying me.

I don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted, I can't believe he done it. He promised me he'd never touch heroin. I'm angry but I'm also scared, what does this mean, will he be able to resist taking it again. Arghh why did he have to do it. I decide to make myself a coffee whilst I ponder Jax's ridiculous life choices and how it's going to effect us.

     I walk into the kitchen and I'm shocked to see Tobs, Chris and Levi in there. None of them look as though they've slept. Chris hands me a coffee as I rub my face to wake myself up. I smile at Chris in thanks.

   "What's happening? You 3 look like you haven't slept" I say to them.

    "We was worried about Jax and you" Levi states. I nod. Silence falls over us all. Chris breaks it.

     "I don't understand why he done it, he's never done smack before, we've all grown up knowing that you stay away from that shit" Chris says. "Why now?".

     "Coz of Cam" I growl out "God I hate him".

     "I think that was obvious from last night trouble maker, he threatened to kill you as he walked out the door, if you remember?" Tobs sighs out.

     "He did what?" comes a growl from the door. We all turn to see Jax standing there not looking his best. I just shrug, I honestly don't even remember him saying that. No one replies to Jax, we're all watching him not knowing what to do or say.

    "Fuck sake. I asked a question" Jax directs his frustration at Toby.

    "When we brought you back, Chris had already rang ahead to get Em to open the door. She was worrying Jax, she didn't know what was wrong with you and Cam basically shot her down saying she needed to calm down u just smoked some smack. She went for him, she smacked him and told him to get out. I grabbed her, I didn't want Cam to retaliate. I don't trust him. He left but he said next time he saw her he'd kill her" Toby explains.

     "I'll sort him out" Jax states.

     "Really Jax, really? I was worried sick. You broke your promise to me and your priority is having a little chat to your new bestie" I screech out.

      Jax puts his head down "My priority is your safety Em. Nothing else matters, Cam was just mad, he will come round. I'll tell him to apologise".

      I cannot believe what I'm hearing. If I never see Cam again it will be too soon, maybe he could disappear like Jamie did. I can't sit there any longer, I don't know how to feel or react. I get up and go upstairs, luckily no one stops me.

     I decide to get in the bath, maybe I could drown myself. It would be easier than dealing with all this. I know I'm being dramatic but this isn't a bit of weed. Everyone's heard stories of people's lives being wrecked by heroin, the rumours are that the high is the most amazing feeling in the world. The downfall is every time you use it, it takes that little bit more to achieve that high and that's where the problems begin. The addiction gets out of control. I cant bare the thought of that happening to anyone I care about.

     Sighing I start running the bath. I put my bubble bath in and strip off, when the tubs full I check the temperature. It's fine so I sink into the bubbles, I lie back in the bubbles and pretend the water can wash away all my worries.