Toxic Love

Learning curves

***

It's a few days since I left the hospital and I've barely seen Jax. Although I'm back home at his house. I'm healing well physically but after the realisation of everything that happened at the hands of Jamie, my heart is broken. I haven't been purposely avoiding Jax but to begin with I needed time. Jax has stuck to what he said and given me space. Although I'm starting to think he's avoiding me.

     Jax hasn't really been about, that's why I think he's avoiding me. I can't move about much, my leg is still in plaster up to my knee and my wrists too. Luckily I have a walking cast on my leg so I can move around the house. I've decided though today is the day I pin Jax down and we have the talk.

    Everyone has been amazing, I haven't wanted for anything. I can tell everyones confused about what's happening between me and Jax but in all honestly, the fact I came back to his house, I personally think that speaks volumes. I could of gone else where. My mum offered to let me go back home but I don't think I'd function properly without my heart and Jax still has that. Even if it is broken.

     So today I'm on a mission. I need to get me and Jax back on track. It's taken days of soul searching but I love him. Jax didn't think twice about supporting me when things went bad with my family. He supported me emotionally, financially and physically. He even went to prison for me. Even though I'm gutted that he let me down, I can see that he didn't mean to. Despite knowing Jax has been struggling with his addiction, he's the man for me.

    T and Jess have been amazing and have been keeping an eye on Jax for me. Ive spoken to them both at great lengths whilst trying to get my head around all that's happened. He's started a methadone program and although I'm not even sure if he knows I know, I'm proud of him. I'm ready to stand by his side and help him through this dark time. Jax is my future and we can get through this bump in the road together.

    As if on cue. T bursts into my room with her arms filled with a box. I'm in the guest room. I've been staying in here, as hard as it's been I didn't want Jax to not be able to stay at home, in his bed. T has informed me though that Jax has been sleeping in his outhouse. Like I said though I'm hoping today we get things back on track and me and Jax will back in our bed tonight. Fingers crossed anyway.

   "Are you ready for our mission chick" T asks.

   "More than ready T, I need to be back in my mans arms. It's been far too long" I tell her earnestly.

    "Right then, we've got a lot of work to do" she says whilst scrutinising my appearance.

    I huff but she's right, I can only imagine the state I must look. I haven't bothered to do anything with my appearance since I came home. I can move my arms about and that but trying to make myself look good hasn't been top of my list of things to do.

    "Hmmm where to start?" T says "Hair I guess".

      I start laughing although I'm up for this, I've still got stitches in the back of my head so washing my greasy hair is out of the equation. In fact I've still got blood soaked into the ends of my hair, I can't wait till I can wash it the day after tomorrow.

    I carefully scoot myself to the edge of the bed and sit on the chair that T has placed to the side of my bed. She picks up the hairbrush and I grimace, knowing it's going to hurt to tame my tangles. T starts at the bottom brushing through the crusty ends of my hair. T's being really careful but my head is still a bit tender around my cut. Once brushed she gently puts my hair into a hairband, voila messy ponytail.

    "See that looks better already" T says showing me my reflection in a handheld mirror.

    "Thank you, it definitely looks better. I can't wait to get these stitches out so I  can wash it though" I reply.