We Are Of The Reckless Kind

13

You know that feeling you get when your whole world just crashes before your eyes?

I've had that feeling multiple times now. Like, when my grandmother died from a heart attack, or when my friend killed herself.

My grandmother was really special to me. She always told me I was perfect, and that I deserved to live. She was the first person to know about my dark thoughts and intentions.

She always protected me, no matter what.

The only person I felt safe next to, except for my grandma, was Luke. And boy, did he prove me wrong.

I felt like the ground was snatched from under my feet when I saw him kiss that girl. I think that even my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. And right now, he's running after me trying to apologize.

And only one sentence playing on and on in my mind is:

"I am in love with you, Hazel Winters!"

Did he really mean that? Or did he just say it to make me forgive him.

I turned around and sighed. "Why did you do it?"

"I didn't, that's the point!"

"Don't yell please."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Hazel." He was getting closer. "I didn't kiss that girl. She kissed me."

"You didn't stop her!" I completely broke down.

I don't care if he sees me cry.

"Stop crying. I hate to see you cry." He was just a foot away from me now. "I was trying to stop her. She didn't budge. I was trying so fucking hard because I knew this would happen."

I didn't know what to say. He was so difficult to read. I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not.

"Look, Hazel. I would never do that to you, because I know if you did that to me I would be so pissed off. I don't think I would forgive you. But the thing is that I didn't do it. I would never. I love you, Hazel. I have been in love with you for a long time now. But I have been too much of a coward to say it. I thought that if you didn't feel the same way, I would lose you. I would lose us. And I couldn't afford to do that."

"I was so fucked up before we met. I was having these constant nightmares and panic attacks. But they all stopped when I met you. I don't know how, or why, but they did. And at that moment I knew that I had to have you. You are the only positive thing in my life. You are the one that keeps me going, Hazel Winters. I am in love with you, and there's no going back."

I didn't know what to say, honestly. We were out in the rain, and I was pretty sure that I was gonna get pneumonia tomorrow, but I didn't care. The boy I love just told me he loved me. And I finally got the guts to say it back.

"Please say something, Hazel." he pleaded.

"Um, I think I'm in love with you too. And seeing you with another girl broke me. I didn't know what else to do besides run. I am so used to running away from my problems, but I think I'm over it now. I love you, Luke. I don't think you realize how much courage it took me to say that. I have promised myself to never fall in love, because I'll only get hurt. But I don't think you gave me much of a choice. I'm falling for you, and I think I'm falling way over my head."

He sighed, relieved.

"But I just need to know that you will catch me if I fall."

"I will, Hazel Winters."

"And can you stop calling me by my full name all the time?"

He laughed. "Never."

"I don't like that word. I think I like always more."

"Well, if you do... I'll always be here to catch you, Hazel, and I'll always call you by your full name. And I'll always tickle you in your sleep. And I'll always..."

"Okay, okay. Stop with the always." I laughed.

"Well, do you like forever more?"

"Yes."

He took my hands in his.

"Well then, this is forever, Hazel Winters."