We Are Of The Reckless Kind

7

I always felt like music was there for me. It understood me. I mean, I couldn't expect a 14 year-old girl who listens to Justin Bieber and collects stickers to understand me.

That's why I always relied on music to make me feel better. I always thought that if I made friends I would have to tell them about my depression and they wouldn't wanna be friends with me anymore. So why try at all?

Only now do I understand that having friends actually helps. You have someone to talk to besides yourself. Someone to support you in everything you do.

I had one friend in 9th grade while I was in the UK. She had the same problems as me. She was depressed and wanted to leave this god forsaken place forever. She once told me that I was the only positive thing in her life.

One day I went to her house before school, like I always did, only to find an ambulance in front of her house and my best friend being carried on an ambulance cart. Her wrists were a mess. She did the one thing we talked about on a daily basis. The one thing that I was too much of a coward to do.

From that point I decided making friends wasn't my kind of thing.

"So, where do you live?" I asked Luke as he drove out of the Target parking lot.

"Oh, not far from here. I live with my gram and don't be surprised if she jumps you. I haven't brought anyone to my house in a long time. You should feel special." he smiled.

I still adored the way he called his grandmother 'gram'.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Not the awkward kind of silent, but the comforting and warm kind of silent.

When he pulled up to this house that looked like it hasn't been painted in 300 years, I was shocked. Not that I expected a mansion or something like that, but I was surprised, to say the least.

He probably noticed to look on my face because he laughed and said: "Well, I'm not exactly a rich football player, if you can't see for yourself."

I felt bad for him. I had this crazy house and parents and I always got what I wanted. Which is a lifestyle I didn't deserve.

We entered the house and as he said his grandma jumped from joy and hugged me.

"You must be Hazel. Luke told me so much about you."

"Oh, did he?" I smirked at Luke and he just rolled his eyes.

"You're welcome at this house anytime, Hazel."

"Why thank you Mrs..."

"Rose. Call me Rose."

"Well, thank you Rose." I smiled.

"I have to leave for work now. See you kids later. Don't burn the house down."

"Don't worry gram, Hazel is not of the reckless kind." Luke said and kissed his grandma's cheek.

"I am insulted, Luke Hemmings."

Rose laughed and left the house, shutting the door behind her.

"I really like your grandma." I said.

"You do?"

"Yeah, she's warm and loving."

"Well, she can be annoying sometimes." I laughed.

He took my hand and led me to what I assumed was his room. It was half the size of my room and it was covered in posters.

"I know it's not much but it's the best I have."

Now I feel really bad. He deserves more.

"It's nice. Cozy." I lied through my teeth. I wasn't gonna say it's the worst room I've ever seen.

"You're lying." he laughed.

I rolled my eyes and sat on his bed. "So what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. We can play 20 questions."

"I hate that game. How about you tell me about yourself?"

"You hate everything." he said.

"That's mostly true."

"Mostly?"

"I don't hate pizza. And you. And my parents sometimes."

"You don't hate me?"

"You haven't given me a reason to."

It's true. I don't start hating someone out of nowhere. He smiled, sighed and started talking.

"When I was little I had this nice little family. Mom, dad, my brother and I. My parents made a decent amount of money and I had a good childhood." he gulped and continued. "We were all driving to my school one day and my dad drove past a stop sign." I knew where this was going but I didn't interrupt him. "A man who didn't see our car drove into the left side of the car, where my mom and brother were sitting."

His voice started cracking. "My mom and brother were dead on the spot. I got a few injuries and bruises, but nothing major. My dad, on the other hand, was badly injured but he survived. At least for a while. He died a few days later in the hospital. Not that I miss that son of a bitch."

"Why? He was your dad, Luke."

He stood up. "Then why didn't he act like-"

"Please, don't shout." I begged, interrupting him.

He sat back down and sighed.

"He didn't deserve to be a dad. He didn't deserve to have a nice family. He didn't deserve to be alive. He used to beat my mom, brother and me on a daily basis. He was probably relieved that they died." he said, his eyes full of tears that never left his eyes.

"You don't cry a lot, do you?" I asked.

"I have to stay strong for my gram. She hates seeing me cry."

"You know, you can cry in front of me."

He sighed. "I won't, Hazel. Anyway, he used to beat us up, which no one knew about before the accident. After that horrible day, I was alone. I was an orphan. My closest relative was my gram, on my mother's side. That's why I live with her now. My dad didn't leave any money for me so me and my gram struggle with money every day. That's why we live in this shit house. Because we can't afford anything else."

I couldn't contain myself and I hugged him. This boy looked like he needed a hug. Hell, he needed multiple hugs.

"You have no idea how brave you are." I said.

"Me? Look at you. After all you've been through, you're still here. I'm just a coward."

"Don't you dare say that. I have a perfect life, Luke."

"I don't think depression is defined as perfect."

"I am depressed for all the wrong things. You, on the other hand, have a reason to be depressed. You've been through so much, and you still don't understand how strong you are. You're my hero, Luke Hemmings."

With that said he colided our lips together. I didn't even know how much I wanted this until it actually happened. I had wanted Luke to kiss me since the day we met.

"Wow." I said as our lips parted.

"Was it that bad?" he laughed.

"No, it's just this is my..." I looked down, embarrassed.

"Hazel Winters, was this your first kiss?" he smirked.

I blushed. "Shut up."

"Well, I am glad to be the first person you kissed. Unless you kissed had a girl before me."

I laughed. "Do I look like a person that goes around kissing girls?"

"Well, I don't know. Let me check again."

He colided our lips again. I don't know what I feel, but I know I never want this to end.