We Are Of The Reckless Kind

18

11 days.

11 days since Luke and I broke up. 11 days of watching sad movies, listening to sad songs and crying myself to sleep. 11 days of him trying to explain himself to me. 11 days of pure hell.

I tried to be good, I tried to forgive him. But, you fool me once, shame on you. You fool me twice, shame on me.

I didn't answer his calls and I haven't left my house at all. Grace was here every day and she brought me homework. She tried to tell me to let Luke explain but I didn't listen.

I can't say these 11 days have been complete hell though. My mom made me pancakes every day. She was pretty considerate about it all. She reported me sick at school and talked to me.

Luke has been calling me non-stop, but I wasn't giving in.

I've barely eating anything other than half a pancake in the morning. My mom said that she's worried I'll get sick again. But I didn't care about that at all.

As my phone rang for the 100th time in these 11 days, I finally answered it.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"To explain myself, Hazel."

"Well, it's a little too late for that now."

"Look, Hazel Winters. If you tell me that you don't care about me at all, I will leave you alone."

Maybe I lied to myself that I didn't love him anymore. Maybe I did it so I wouldn't give in. But I couldn't lie to him.

I guess he understood the silence because he told me: "Can I come to your place?"

"Four o'clock." I said and hung up.

It was 3 right now and I wasn't planning on getting dressed and doing my make-up. I just laid in my bed when the doorbell rang at exactly 4. My mom opened the door to my room a few minutes later.

''Do you want me to let him in?''

''Yeah, tell him to come upstairs.'' I said, emotionless.

A few seconds later he came in. I didn't make eye contact at all.

''Hi.'' he said.

''Hello.''

''Can I sit down?''

''Sure.''

He sat on my bed.

''Look, I just wanted to apologize because I was drunk off my ass and I didn't know what I was doing.''

''You said you didn't drink.'' I whispered.

''I had a damn good reason.'' I still wasn't making eye contact. ''Hazel, please look at me while I tell you this.''

I wasn't giving in.

''Dammit, Hazel.''

He lifted my chin. I almost gasped when I saw his eyes. They were bloodshot red.

''Hazel, do you remember when I ran off at lunch?''

How could I not?, I thought to myself.

''Well, I recieved some awful news that day. It was a doctor from the hospital calling me. My grandmother had died. She had a heart attack. When they reached the house she was already dead.''

My mouth fell agape. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My eyes started tearing up.

''I don't have anyone left, Hazel.'' he started crying. ''She and you were the only good things in my life. And I lost you both.''

''Why did you drink?''

''I didn't know what else to do.''

I couldn't hold it in anymore and I started crying. I was so inconsiderate. I was so selfish.

''I'm sorry.'' I said in between sobs.

''You have nothing to be sorry about, Hazel Winters. None of this is your fault.''

''I ignored you.''

''I am aware.''

''I'm so sorry.'' I said and hugged him.

''So does this mean you forgive me?'' he smiled.

I hit his arm. ''Really?''

He shrugged.

''You'll always have me, Luke. These past few days have been hell for me. I haven't eaten anything in 11 days. I couldn't stop crying.''

''I didn't sleep at all. I called you day and night but you weren't answering. I don't know what I would've done if you didn't answer today.''

''Don't say that.''

''It's true Hazel. I love you so much to the point where it could kill me.''

''I love you too.''

For the first time ever, I was the one to kiss him first. I've missed him so much. During these 11 days I've realized that I can't live without him.

''Where are you gonna live?'' I asked him when I pulled back.

''I don't know, honestly.''

''I can try to stay with you at your house more often.''

''Maybe you can move in with me?''

I was taken aback by that question. Move in? Wasn't that a little too early?

"I don't think my mom and dad would let me."

"Then you'll sleep over at my house more often. Please Hazel. I can't be alone."

"Of course I will. I'm always here for you."

"Thank you so much, Hazel."

He saved me.

This boy standing in front of me saved me.

He saved me from myself.

And I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough times.