We Are Of The Reckless Kind

15

I started going to the therapist when I was in 7th grade.

That was the year my mom decided I was depressed. I mean I can't blame her. I didn't go out of the house at all during that year. Except for school. Which, you already know, I hate. So, she decided I was depressed and she sent me to get some help. One her friends reccomended this therapist to her and, no surprise, I was in that therapist's office the next day.

His name was Richard Poe. He was British, so I usually just mocked his accent. I've found accents hilarious from a very young age. One time, this Italian guy was selling something and he came up to our door. As you could predict, the 2-year-old me laughed in his face. I was grounded for like a decade because of that. And I didn't even know what grounded meant.

So, anyway, the Richard Poe guy was pretty cool. I even had a crush on him back then. He was 22, he had black hair and blue eyes. Every session with him was fun, and I started thinking of everyday therapy not as a thing I needed to do, but as a thing I wanted to do.

He usually asked me questions like 'How are you?' and 'How was your day?' and my answer was always 'Fine.'. I'm not the type of person to open up to other people but somehow he made me feel safe and like I was special. So, I started opening up. I told him about my cutting and about the things my 'friends' do to me at school. And he was pretty understanding. He went through all of that shit too, and he had to go to a therapist too, until he decided to change his life. Thus, here he is, being a therapist.

But the 'changed his life' thing still hasn't happened to me.

"Luke?" I asked.

We are currently at his house while his grandma is at work. Luke thought it would be funny to watch Titanic so he could see me cry. Little does he know, I've watched that movie 200 times since birth and I haven't cried at it one bit.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you still a virgin? Don't girls throw themselves at you?"

He laughed. "Some do. But I don't really want to lose my virginity to the wrong person."

"Oh."

Did he just say I wasn't the right person?

"Oh no no no no. Don't take this the wrong way," he said, reading my mind. "I think of you as the right person. I just didn't think you wanted to do it yet. Plus, I don't know shit about it."

I laughed. "Same, dude, same."

"Why are you asking me this? And why are you not crying at the movie? Look! They're all drowning!" he pointed at the screen.

"Luke, I have never cried at Titanic, nor will I ever cry at Titanic. And, for your first question, I was just curious. I mean, I see girls looking at you all the time."

"Guys look at you too, you know. You just don't notice it."

I scoffed. "Yeah right."

"They do! I mean, look at you. You're gorgeous."

I blushed. "You're saying that just because I'm your girlfriend."

"Well, that was a stupid thing to say."

"Yeah, it was." I admitted.

"Sometimes you act like such an adolescent, Hazel Winters."

"I do not!"

"In denial."

"I'm not, Luke!"

"Wow. So in denial."

I groaned. "You're lucky I love you."

"I think that sentence should've been the other way around. Aren't you lucky that I love you?" he smirked.

"If you keep doing that, then no."

He laughed and got closer to me. He connected our lips and I was enjoying myself until he started tickling me.

"No... Luke... Stop... It..." I said inbetween breaths.

"Tell me you love me."

"No.. Are you.. kidding... me?"

"Tell me and I'll stop."

"Okay stop." I said and he stopped.

"Say it or I'll continue. I'm enjoying this quite a lot."

I groaned. "Fine. I love you."

"That's my girl."

I was his girl. And he was mine.

"Do you wanna have dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure." I smiled.

He took over my life. He made me the happiest I have ever been. He covered away the sadness.

He wrapped me up with his love. He made me feel safe.

I was his and he was mine.

No one else's, but mine.