We Are Of The Reckless Kind

2

Depression was always side to side with me. Even when I wasn't diagnosed with it, I was always sad and in lack of will to do anything productive.

My mom noticed that very early on. I was always in my room instead of hanging out with my friends and in my spare time I would read books. Mostly the same books over and over again because I was too scared to go out and buy new books. I always thought that if I go out people would judge me. Just like they did in school.

But every once in a while I would go to the library and stay there for the whole day. It was like my safe haven. Nobody could hurt me there.

I started opening up when I was 15. I started making friends but they would all either abandon or betray me. And when I tried making new friends it would happen again. Over and over and over again. It was like a never ending cycle. Then I just gave up on doing anything that would be of benefit to me. I stopped conversing, I stopped opening up to people.

Basically, I started avoiding everyone.

"Earth to Hazel!" someone yelled.

"Oh sorry. I was just in deep thought, I guess." I blushed.

"The little baby is blushing." Luke said in a mocking tone.

"Shut up, Luke." Calum said glaring at him.

"So you like her now?" Luke basically yelled and stormed off.

They all apologized to me and ran after him. I was relieved, to be honest. I mean, I was wondering what his problem was, but I guess I just wanted to be left alone.

I stood up and walked across the cafeteria to get to my locker. I heard a few comments here and there but I learned to ignore those.

I got to my locker and pulled out a book I was reading right now.

The Catcher in the Rye.

It's a bit childish, I know. But I still loved it.

I walked to the classroom where my 4th period class was in. I love being alone in classrooms. I don't know why but it helps my anxiety. I guess it's the fact that I can be in school and still control everything.

I sat in the back of the class and started reading. But my mind couldn't focus on the book. I still wondered why the hell did those boys approach me. Was it because of pity? Or they just wanted to see if I was as weird and freaky as I seemed?

Somebody slammed the classroom door and woke me up from my daydream.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Luke. Great.

"Um, reading." I answered.

"Um, well get out." he said mocking me.

"Sorry, but the last time I checked, your name wasn't on the classroom door." I was getting angry by now.

"This is my classroom. Find a new one." he said through gritted teeth.

"Listen, I don't know what your problem is, but either you sit here or you can leave now, because I'm certainly not. And, believe me when I say, I'm the last person you wanna get angry." I snapped.

I was expecting for him to leave and slam the door, but he sat down in a seat that I assumed was his. Too bad it was right next to mine.

It was true, what I said. I am the last person he wants to get angry. Due to my bipolar-ness, I tend to change moods fairly quickly. I can be shy and awkward one second and I can be in your face the next.

I looked over to see what he was doing. He was on his phone. Typical. If you haven't noticed, I use that word a lot.

Everyone is always on their phone, aren't they? I do my fair share of social networking but I hate it when people are on their phones. Especially in the presence of other people. I'm not saying I'm special or anything, he can use his phone whenever he likes, but at least try to make conversation?

I guess the phone problem was passed onto me from my parents. We have a strict no phone policy when other people are around. And according to my parents:

'Phones are venomous. They're poison and they kill you a little everyday.'

'By not having a phone, your mother and I are saving the enviroment.'

I tried to convince them to get phones because I could be dying in a ditch somewhere and they wouldn't be home to find out. But they just scolded me and sent me up to my room.

I heard someone fake cough and looked up to see Luke staring at me.

"You zone out quite a lot, don't you?" he laughed.

Did he just laugh?

"I guess. I'm just a big thinker. I over-analyze everything."

"What are you analyzing now?"

I just noticed how beautiful his eyes were.

"Well, I just over-analyzed you using your phone." I looked down, clearly embarrassed.

"Well? What's the analysis?" I was surprised he was interested. He didn't seem like the type.

"I'm sorry but the gateway to my mind is closed. You may have to buy a ticket for that."

He laughed. "Will the tickets be available soon?"

"Maybe. But right now, I'm the only one riding the rollercoaster that is my life."

He shook his head, smiling.

He was pretty hot. I don't know how I just noticed that. I looked at his muscles flexing everytime he moved his arm. His hands were pretty nice. I know this is weird, but ugly hands are a big turn off for me.

Told you I over-analyze everything.

The bell rang and again, I was pulled out of my daydream. Students started entering the classroom and I took out my notebook and waited for the teacher. I looked over at Luke and saw that he was reading The Cather in the Rye.What a coincidence, huh? This boy keeps surprising me.

He doesn't seem like the type to be reading this book. He doesn't seem like the type to not storm out after I yell at him. He doesn't seem like the type to actually listen to my stupid blabbering.

"You like what you see?"

I rolled my eyes and looked at the front of the classroom as the teacher started talking.