We Are Of The Reckless Kind

24

Me and Luke have been spending every day like it's our last. Meaning that we never left each others side, not even for school.

Hell, I haven't been in school for a week and a half. My mom and dad don't like it, but they understand the situation. And today's my first day back to school. I was a little hesitant as whether to leave or stay by Luke's side, but I've decided that one day won't hurt.

Unfortunately, Luke has been getting worse. He keeps having these constant migraines and he keeps throwing up. He's almost unrecognizable. The boy I saw the first day of school with so much light in his eyes, is the complete opposite of what he is now. And that is what scares me the most.

''You have to go to school, Hazel Winters.'' Luke said.

''But I don't want to leave you.'' I whined.

''I'll be fine, it's not like I'm dying.'' he laughed.

''That's not even funny, Luke.''

''Oh, come on. You're always up for some black humor.''

''Not anymore, I guess.''

I said goodbye to Luke like it's the last time we'll ever see each other and reluctantly headed to school. I saw Grace by my locker and my whole day was better. Right now, she's the only one that can make it better.

''Where have you been, Hazel? I've been worried sick.''

''I'm fine. Don't worry about me.''

''Calum told me about, Luke. How's he doing?''

''It's getting worse and worse and I can't do anything to stop it.'' my eyes started tearing up.

''Oh God, Hazel. Come here.'' she said, motioning for me to come closer.

''I'm just waiting for that phone call that'll tell me that he's gone. I haven't slept in a week. And now my mom's forcing me to go to school.''

''I am so sorry.''

''It's not your fault. I don't want to cry right now, I'm just afraid that he'll be gone when I come back to the hospital. Why does my life have to be so screwed up?'' I said, bumping my fist into the locker.

''It's okay, Hazel.''

''It's not okay, Grace! It hurts to even look at him! I lie to myself everyday saying that I'll get through this!''

The truth is that I can't take this. I'm on the verge of killing myself just so I don't have to watch him die.

''I'll spare you my constant whining and just go to class.'' I said.

I feel bad for storming off but I would've hit someone. And that'll benefit no one.

In English we talked about Romeo and Juliet. Oh, the irony. It turns out Luke and I are the cliché Romeo and Juliet story. Except Romeo dies of a terminal disease, which, I must say, makes the story a bit more original. I wish Juliet died instead of Romeo, just like I wish I died instead of Luke. But me killing myself isn't going to help Luke get better.

I have pretty much slept throughout the whole Math class, until my phone rang. I excused myself and left the classroom.

''Hello?'' I answered the phone.

''Is this Hazel Winters?''

''Yes.''

Oh no. No. This can't be it.

''I'm afraid Luke isn't well. Are you able to come to the hospital?''

''I'm on my way.''

I left without notifying the teacher. I called my mom to come and take me to the hospital.

He can't leave me. He can't.

We arrived at the hospital and I went straight to Luke's room. There were a few nurses running frantically around him. I moved the nurses out of my way and looked at him.

This isn't my Luke. This is what the tumor made him like.

''Luke, don't leave me.'' I said, crying.

''Forever, remember?'' he said struggling to get the words out.

''Don't.''

''I love you, Hazel Winters.''

And then he gave up. He just gave up.

How can he give up on me? On himself?

I backed away and took the first object I saw and threw it at the door.

''You PROMISED! You promised not to leave me! And then you just give up! How is that fair? How is that fair to me!?''

In a second I was escorted out of the room. I spent the next hour in my mom's arms crying.

''You know, sweetie, he was just waiting for you. He would've given up a long time ago.'' a nurse, that was in Luke's room earlier, said.

''He promised.''

''We all make promises we can't keep. It's just how life goes.''

''I know, it's just that I've known for 2 weeks that he will die and I still can't cope with it. I hate being this weak.''

''It's all going to be okay, honey. Out of all people, I know. When I was 17 cancer took my boyfriend. I wanted to die so much. But then I thought 'He would've wanted me to live, huh?' and I bet you a 100 hamburgers that that boy in there would've wanted you to live too. So I moved on. It took me some time, but I did.and now I have a wonderful husband and two kids that I love more than anything in this world.''

''I hope that happens to me too.''

''It will, just be patient.''

And with that, she left.

I know that Luke dying was inevitable, I just hoped that it would be later rather than sooner. But I can't change anything. He's gone.

My Luke is gone.