Her Last Wish

Her Last Wish - Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen
Sang

Anyone around the world could have received the same news I did today, and I can't help but wonder how they're handling the situation.

What they're doing with the feeling of betrayal.

What they're doing with the feeling of devastation.

What they do when they feel like they're dying inside.

Because that's me. The pain in my chest is almost consuming me. No matter what I do, the horrible pain in my heart doesn't go away. I'm dying a slow and painful death.

Oh no, wait, that's my grandmother.

God, I'm a bitch, but I can't help it. I'm hurting and I'm hating, but yet I'm loving too. The need to be with her, to hold her close and cry until I have nothing left is strong, but I can't go and do that. I need to wrap my head around this, and a bar probably isn't the best place to do it, but I didn't know where else to go.

When I left the hospital, I started heading for the diner, planning to go and speak with Uncle. But just as I reached the old church, North's jeep came wheels spinning into the parking lot. Both North and Luke got out of the jeep and went thundering into the diner, both on a mission for something.

A few minutes later, the back door had opened. Uncle, North, and Luke came out and started shouting at each other. And all I heard of Luke and North's words were, "You knew." That feeling of devastation only grew.

Uncle had known and he hadn't told me. I turned away with tears streaming down my cheeks and walked home to mine and Nan's house. I collected some money out of my underwear drawer and left.

I had no destination in mind as I wandered the streets, keeping hidden and away from the main roads, taking every possible alley and short cut I could. I'm not stupid, I know that Nan would have every person she could out there trying to find me. That's why I stayed away from some of my favorite and peaceful places.

She would never think to find me in a bar.

Just before the summer of my senior year of high school, there was a huge house party at one of the football player's houses and I attended, just out of curiosity. I enjoyed myself, talked to a few people that became friends throughout my senior year and got stupidly drunk. I rang Nan at a silly hour of the morning to come and get me. Lucky for me she was still driving around a lot back then.

Nan came storming into the party, ignoring everyone watching her with wide, curious eyes and collected me from the downstairs bathroom where I had been puking, hugging the toilet as I did so. She helped me out of the house, into the car, and then drove us home where I puked some more and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, promising to never drink again and I've stuck to it, until now.

I know alcohol isn't the answer but I just want to forget. Forget about my life and world turning upside down and flipping around and round. I can't deal with it. And I can't handle tequila for shit. It tastes horrible, but it's causing a liquid burn from my throat to my stomach, distracting me from the pain in my heart.

I've lost count of how many I've had, but I know it's a lot. My head is spinning, my eyes are unfocused and I keep swaying. The bartender stopped serving me about...half an hour ago? Maybe? Ugh, who cares? Because I don't. And now I'm stuck here, unable to get my limbs to cooperate so I can move, find a payphone, and call for a taxi.