Disaster • Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

[thirty seven]

Indi's POV

(Song suggestion- "Only Ones Who Know" by Arctic Monkeys)

The warm night air wrapped its way around me as Alex and I walked down the gravel path behind the cabin.  It cut through the woods and wound down the mountain, lit by the fluorescent moonlight.

Neither of us talked for a long time.  We walked silently side by side, close enough that our hands would brush each others every now and again.  

There was something solemn in the air between us.  Maybe it was because we both knew that the night was coming to an end, and things would be different when the sun came up in the morning.  Maybe it was because we knew there was nothing we could do to stop what was happening between us.  

"You're not wearing any shoes," Alex pointed out as the path got a little steeper.  "You better hope there isn't a snake or something.  I won't suck the poison out of a bite."

"Shoes are for the weak."

"And pants are, too?"

The whole walk thing had been a last minute idea, so I was currently only wearing Alex's loose blue shirt over my still-wet swimsuit.  But it was nice out, so I didn't mind.  I probably looked homeless, but it was dark and I was hoping Alex couldn't see me very well.   

"City folk like you wouldn't understand," I said, hitting his shoulder with mine.  He laughed but it was quiet.  Sad, even.

"So, uh, what time do you take off tomorrow?" I asked him.  One of us had to bring it up.  

He let out a deep breath.  "Seven, if we want to make it to the airport by noon."

Seven.  That was less than five hours away.

"Cool."

"Yeah," he said, his voice sounding like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

We both went silent again.  Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

I opened my mouth to change the subject but he interrupted me before I could speak.

"Tell me what you're thinking about," he said abruptly.

If only he knew.  

"Too much," I told him truthfully.  "I can't focus on one thing."

"Try."

I took a deep breath.  "I dunno.  I'm thinking about last night and tonight and tomorrow and the club and the bar and everything and just..." I trailed off. 

"Just what?"

"Just...you."  

You.  

Over and over and over.  

We stopped then and he turned toward me. His hair was drying out, falling down onto his forehead, giving him a more boyish look than when he had it slicked back. His features looked darker in the moonlight, his eyes pitch black instead of deep brown.   

We watched each other intently, neither of us moving. 

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

"You know what I'm thinking about," he said.

"Porcupines?  Christmas trees?  The existential weight of human life?"

He shot me a look.  "Actually, I'm thinking about this girl.  And she's absolutely mad.  A real nutter."

"A real nutta," I said, mimicking his accent.  "She sounds quiet fascinating to me."

"She is," he said.  "Quite fascinating, this girl.  It's too bad she curses every other minute and spends her existence trying to destroy me.  If it weren't for that, I would have to make her mine."

I narrowed my eyes at him.  "What if she doesn't want to be yours?"

"That's exactly something she would say."

We both stood there, staring at each other in the hazy moonlight, before Alex's eyes broke away from mine, as if he was coming out of a trance.  As if he'd just awoken from a dream.

"Fuck, Indi," he said, running a hand through his messy hair.   "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

"Alex..."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he said, shaking his head slightly.  

"I know," I said.  "But.. we can pretend like it didn't."

He went quiet for a moment.  "Why would we do that?"  

"Because it's better that way," I said, trying to convince myself of it.  "This weekend was nothing, Alex, and you know it.  I mean, it was great and all.  Well, more than great.  It was fucking magical, honestly, but still."

"But still what?" He sounded kind of pissed off. 

"Still....You're you and I'm me," I said.  "That's what."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means," I told him.  "We're going to say goodbye tomorrow and that'll be it.  You'll go off on tour, playing shows for massive crowds and you'll go the best parties and hang out with models and doped up rock stars.  You'll make loads of money and friends and things will be how they're supposed to be."

"And what about you?" 

"Me?" I'd almost forgotten I was the second half of it.  "Me.. well, I dunno.  I guess I'll go back to Kansas and finish school.  Get a better job, or something.  I don't exactly have a plan."

"If you don't have a plan, then why are you so sure that that's the way it has to be?"

I gave him a look.  "I don't know what you're trying to do here, Alex, but I don't want to be a part of it.  I don't want to be lead on."

His eyes grew darker.  "You think I'm leading you on?"

"I think that there's no way that anything could happen between us, and you know that.  You said it yourself, we're both disasters."

He took a step closer.  "What else do you think, Indi?"

"I think.... I think that I really fucking like you," I admitted, breathlessly. "But this can't happen and you need to be honest with me. You need to tell me that tomorrow we'll both take off in our separate cars and leave to go back to our separate lives and this whole weekend will be nothing but a memory. Because even if we don't like it, that's the truth. That's what's going to happen and we both know it.  And I really don't want to get my heart  broken, Alex."

He stopped, his face only inches from mine.  He set a hand on my jaw, locking it in place so that I couldn't look away from him.  

"You want to know what I think?" he said.

"Not really."

The corner of his mouth turned up.  "I think that you wouldn't mind getting your heart broken by me."

I swallowed hard, ready to fight his claim, but as he stared at me with those dark eyes, it occurred to me that he was right.  He could smash my heart to smithereens for all I cared.  I couldn't run from him even if I tried.

He moved closer, his lips dangerously close to mine.  

"And just so you know," he said, drawing his words out slowly.  "The feeling is unquestionably.... without a doubt...most certainly..... mutual."

And then his lips were on mine.  

All at once we were on fire.  We were electric and blazing, trying to consume everything the other had to offer. 

And I felt him then-- his emotions and his feelings and his being.  I really felt him, as we intertwined our mouths and souls in the dark woods.

 And for the life of me, I didn't want to let go.