Disaster • Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

[forty two]

Alex's POV

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  Over and over and over again.

Leaving disaster girl, my disaster girl, outside was the hardest thing I had ever done.  She looked so lost, standing there in my blue Lacoste shirt and her knee socks. 

But I had to do it.   It was better this way, ending it before everything turned ugly. 

Shit was already hitting the fan.   Tom was going mad over the tabloids, and I'm sure that was only the beginning.  It wouldn't be fair of me to drag her into this mess.  

God, she was right.  It all sounded so fake.  

But I'd taken all night to think about it.  As she slept in my arms and Tom blew up my phone, I decided that she had been right in the woods.  There was no way that the two of us could ever work.

My world moved too fast for her.  She was still in school, I was about to go back on the road.  I couldn't ask her to wait around for me.  

"Ready mate?" Jamie asked me as I walked through the living room.  I nodded without looking at him.

I wanted to hit something. Badly.  Indi probably wanted to deck me in the face, I'm sure.  I was surprised she hadn't.  Her calm demeanor was unsettling.  I thought she'd make more of a scene. 

Maybe she wanted to.  I didn't know.  I felt like I didn't know anything anymore.

Rose and Matt were by the front door, kissing and pushing off their goodbye as long as the possibly could.  Their happiness pissed me the fuck off.

I grabbed my bag from the couch that I'd gotten up early to pack and left out the front door.  Jamie and Nick were already in the car and the abruptness of our departure hit me with monumental force. 

"I'll call you every day," Matt said to Rose as they followed me out the door.  

"You better," she said.  "I'll be waiting."

I could hear them kiss behind me as I stalked down the drive.  I needed to leave.  If I didn't go now, I probably never would.

I threw my shit into the car and got into the back.  Matt followed shortly after, his eyes still locked on Rose, who was watching him from the top of the driveway.  Someone appeared at her side, and for a moment I thought it was Indi, but that hope vanished when I noticed the red hair.  

"Everyone ready?" Nick said from the drivers seat.

Nick and Jamie both uttered "yeah", but I couldn't bring myself to speak.  

Nick honked and waved as we pulled a U-Turn and began to roll down the mountain.  I watched out of the back window as Rose and Alicia's shapes began to shrink.

Just when I was about to turn around, a third figure appeared.  

Indi.

"Stop," I told Nick without even thinking about it. "Stop the car."

"What?" He hit the brakes.  "Why?"

I had to go back to her.  I couldn't leave, not like this.

But just as I reached for the door handle, Indi lifted her hands.  Even without being able to see her that well, I knew immediately what she was doing.  

She was flipping me off. 

"Is everything alright?" Matt asked me.

"Never mind," I said, turning back around.  "Just... never mind."

After a hesitant moment, Nick began to drive again. 

 I had to force myself not to turn around. I couldn't look back at her.

So we drove on, and I kept my eyes fixed in front of me, telling myself that I had to do this.  That this was the right thing to do.

But there wasn't a doubt in my mind that it would take the rest of my life to convince myself of that.