Disaster • Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

[sixty]

Alex's POV

Jude and Alice seemed to be proper pissed at Indi and I for the rest of our time at the pumpkin patch. But that was okay.

Indi didn't seem to give a shit, and fuck knows I didn't.

I nearly begged her to sit with me on the hayrack ride, but being Indi, she didn't. So I was stuck next to a semi-mad, semi-flitatious Alice for the whole ride, who kept asking me where we had run off to.

But the real shock of the night for everyone came when Indi climbed into the back seat of Jude's car with me as we were all getting in to leave.

"What?" she asked, meeting my stare with a scowl. "Sitting in the front makes me carsick."

I would had said something else, but felt it best not to provoke her too much. I didn't want her to change her mind.

Nobody talked for most of the ride, not even Alice. Jude played his god-awful country music in a way I've never played music in my entire life: softly.

Indi fell asleep about halfway home. And as I stared at her, I realized to my extreme amusement, that the girl looked pissed off even in her sleep.

I suppose most guys would move over to give a sleeping girl a shoulder to lie her head on, but I wasn't most guys.

Instead, I did what my mates and I used to do to the first one of us that crashed at a party. I slid her phone out of her pocket, took a picture, and set it as her lock screen.

I laughed thinking about how fucking mad she was going to be when she woke up and saw it. It was going to be brilliant.

We arrived back at her complex at midnight, and Indi woke up groggily as we pulled into the parking lot.

"We're home," Jude said bitterly as he put the car in park.

"Five more minutes," Indi croaked, closing her eyes again. Jude and Alice both got out of the car, but I stayed.

"Let's go," I said, shaking her shoulder. "You have the apartment keys, and I really don't feel like having a sleepover with Jude."

"Give me just a couple minutes," she said, sleepily pushing me away. "Either that or carry me."

"Alright."

Her eyes popped open. "I was kidding. You better not-"

But I was already out of the car and headed toward her side. I opened her door and threw her over my shoulder before she could even protest.

"Alex... Fucking... Turner...." she gasped, her head hitting my lower back. "Put... me... down."

"You gave me a choice," I said, adjusting her slightly. "And I chose."

She said something but I was laughing too hard to hear. I waved sarcastically to Jude and Alice, who were both staring at me in shock, before heading into the building.

"I'm going to pull your pants down," she said as I lugged her through the lobby. "I'm serious, Alex, if you don't put me down I'm pulling them off."

"Go for it, love," I said. "It wouldn't be strangest position I've gotten naked in."

She tugged forcefully on the waist of my trousers, but they wouldn't come down. She groaned hopelessly as I caught the elevator.

"Ninth floor," I said to the two girls standing in there. "I would press it myself, but my hands are a bit full."

They both stared at me, absolutely dumbfounded. One of them hit the 9 button, her eyes still on me and her jaw nearly on the floor.

No one said anything as the doors closed and the elevator started up, and the only sound was the upbeat elevator music circulating around the small space.

"You're... you're Alex Turner," one of the girls said after a long pause.

"I am," I said, unable to help but laugh at how ridiculous I probably looked to them with a girl draped over my shoulder.

"Can you please call the police on him?" Indi grumbled. "I'm being kidnapped."

The girl's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Can you kidnap me next?"

The elevator dinged on the 9th floor and the doors opened.

"Next time," I said to the girl, stepping off the elevator. "But only as long as you never saw me here, alright?"

She nodded longingly and the doors closed on them. Indi was still trying (very unsuccessfully) to pull my pants down.

"I hate you," she huffed. "You know, you can't just go around picking people up all the time and charming unsuspecting girls in elevators with your stupid accent and your stupid smile and your stupid charm. Now put me down, Alex, I'm seriously going t-"

"If you say so," I said, loosening my grip on her so that she slid a few inches down my back. She let out a squeal and I caught her again, laughing.

"This isn't a game," she screeched.

I did it again and she punched me in the back of the thigh. "I swear to god."

We finally made it to her apartment and I set her down the right way. She just laid there on the hallway floor for a few moments, staring up at the ceiling and breathing heavily.

"You're sleeping outside tonight," she said.

I offered her my hand. "At least I'll be able to smoke out there."

She ignored my hand and stood up, retrieving her keys out of her jacket and fumbling with them to unlock her door. "I'm going to kill you one of these days, Turner."

"I'm surprised you haven't yet," I said. "I've been waiting since the radio station."

She glanced over her shoulder at me as she pushed her door open. "The best murders take time to plan."

We entered her apartment and she threw her keys down and went back into her room. I stripped my clothes off until I was left just in my boxers, and I was about to throw on a t-shirt to sleep in when Indi came stomping back into the living room.

She had changed into sweats and a t-shirt, she had her hair in a bun, and a toothbrush in her mouth. I knew immediately what she was about to say when I saw her phone in her hand.

"You think you're funny?" she said through the toothpaste foam, flashing me her lock screen.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I do."

She rolled her eyes at me, staring down at her phone. "Wow. It looks like even in my sleep you piss me off."

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

She shoved her phone in her pocket and gave me a look. "I'm going to bed now."

"Me too."

She lingered for a moment before turning around and heading back toward the bathroom.

"I would say 'goodnight' to you," she called out. "But you don't deserve that. You don't even deserve 'night'. But I'll give you just 'ni' though. That seems fair."

I watched after her, wondering how the universe had created something so completely fucking turbulent.

"Ni to you too, disaster girl."

She gave me one more of her signature narrowed-eyed looks before disappearing back into the bathroom. I fell back onto the couch and put my earphones in, scrolling through my music until I came across "She's Thunderstorms".

I didn't usually listen to my own music, but at the moment, as my day with disaster girl reeled though my mind, I couldn't think of a song more fitting.