Disaster • Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

[fifty three]

Indi's POV

I could kill him.  I could honestly fucking kill him.

Or at least I wish I could.

But the truth was, underneath all of my burning anger, I felt a little guilty.

I hadn't meant those things I said to him.  I had a horrible temper and uncontrollable mouth and yeah, he pissed me the fuck off, but I didn't hate him.   

I hated what he'd done in Colorado.  I hated his perfect voice and how he dressed and the way he was still as beautiful as I remembered. 

But I didn't hate him.  

Maybe I just hated the way that I couldn't bring myself to hate him at all.

I stripped my stupid dress of and laid down in my bed, turning up Lana Del Rey so loud that I couldn't focus on anything else.  

Was I acting like an angsty teenager?  Yes. 

Did I give a fuck?  No.

Because Rose and Matt were leaving for Maryland tomorrow at noon, and the way things were looking now, I was going to be spending an entire week alone with Alex. 

And that may not have been a problem had I been truthful with myself and pretty much everyone else about how I felt.  

I acted hard; like Alex Turner could be hit by a bus right in front of me and I wouldn't even bat an eye.  But the truth was that he'd meant something to me.  He had actually fucking meant something to me on that long night in Colorado.

It was hard to let go of something like that.  And I had been so close, so fucking close to doing so.

Until he crashed my birthday party, of course.

And so now he was here, at my apartment, and the walls I'd spent 18 months building were suddenly crashing down all around me.

I didn't know what to do or feel, so I just laid there, blaring Off to the Races, until I finally found my way to a dreamless sleep.