Disaster • Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

[seventy seven]

Indi's POV

I kept my eyes on Alex as I begrudgingly shoveled lo mein into my mouth.

Why couldn't I just say it to him?  Why couldn't I just not be a complete fucking loser for once in my life?

Maybe it was because I wasn't sure he'd say it back to me.  It was probably way too soon for him to even consider the "L" word.  

Maybe I was just falling too hard and too fast and didn't even love him at all.  Maybe it was just hormones, or whatever.

But as I watched Alex laugh at something Matt said, his eyes beautifully scrunching at the corners, I knew that wasn't it.  Whatever I was feeling was something real and unavoidable and terrifying. 

Fuck.  I was in deep.

It was nearly midnight by the time we all finished eating.  Rose and Matt disappeared to her room, and I was thankful she was still too wrapped up in her engagement to remember to talk to me about Alex.  I knew that it wouldn't last long, though.  Tomorrow I would most likely be hounded by her questions. 

"Well," Alex said, standing up from the couch and stretching.  "I think I'm gonna call it a night."

"And where do you plan on sleeping, Turner?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

He smiled sheepishly.  "Where are you sleeping?  Because say the word and I'm there."

I rolled my eyes and stood up after him.  "Just don't hog the blankets, alright?"

He laughed and we made our way toward my room. Alex went into the bathroom and I went to my room and pulled on pajamas.  We switched places after a few minutes, him coming into my room to change and me going to the bathroom.  We were already so comfortable around each other, almost like we'd known each other all our lives.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and pulled my hair into a french braid before going back to my room.  Alex had turned all the lights off besides the copper ones around my headboard, just like it had been last night.

He was laying on my bed, wearing plaid pajama pants.  But I was more focused on what he wasn't wearing.

"You're going to get cold," I said, scanning his bare torso.  

He gave me a vampish smile.  "Will I, though?"

Damn.  He was good.

I plopped down onto my bed next to him, making him bounce up into the air.  He turned toward me, laughing as he tried to shove me off the bed.  I screeched, nearly falling off, but he caught my shirt before I could go down completely.

I rolled over him, purposely digging my elbow into his stomach, before landing on his other side.  He groaned dramatically, pushing his wild hair off of his forehead and grinning at me.

I got the urge to say it again then.  To just tell him that I loved him, I loved him, I fucking loved him.

But I didn't want to ruin what was between us.  Because even if he didn't love me, I knew that he  felt something, and as much as it would absolutely kill me if he didn't love me back, I knew that things like this take time.