My Everything (sequel to Secret) //EDITING//

Forty Five

{edited}

May POV

"Fuck I want this baby out of me." I mutter under my breath. Harry squeezes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

"Dr. Westfall said in a few minutes he'll come back in to see if you can start pushing." He says.

"It's hard to focus on time with I all I feel is pain." I mutter harshly. Harry's eyes meet mine and he plants his lips on my forehead. "How long have we been here?"

"Uh," Harry pulls out his phone and looks at the time.

"Nearly 6 hours." I groan and lay back. "I uh texted my Mom letting her know a few hours ago."

"What did she say?"

"Well, she's not the best texter so I don't really know. But the next message says 'on way'. That was three hours ago so they should be here soon." I chuckle gently then groan.

I dig my head into my pillow and grip onto Harry's hand. These contractions are getting worse and worse and I wanna die.

"Adam said he's almost here. Uh," Harry pauses. I look to him.

"Am I squeezing your hand too hard?"

"A tad but it's fine, do what you have to do." I smile gently and dig the heels of my feet into the end of the mattress.

"You know what sucks?" I ask Harry.

"What?"

"I never got to eat that sandwich." He laughs. "I'm fucking starving." I complain.

"After this I'll buy you anything you want babe." I smile gently.

"I hope you mean that." His lips peck mine and a new wave of contractions hit me. I bite down on my jaw and feel new drops of sweat fall off my forehead.

The door opens and I see Adam and Ronnie. "How are you doing May?" Adam asks.

"I'm doing lovely." I say through gritted teeth. "yourself?"

"I'm wonderful." I take a long, deep breath. "When can ya push?"

"When the doctor comes in and checks my dilation." Adam looks at me with a scrunched face. "Is it too gross to talk about, Adam?"

"I'm just curious to how they do that," He pauses. "Nope, never mind do not answer that for me." I laugh then groan again.

It seems like laughing makes it worse.

"Can I get you anything?" Ronnie asks me.

"A whopper with cheese and fries would be lovely."

"You can't eat anything, May." She says.

"Then don't offer to get me anything please." I look up at the ceiling and see they have a photo of some hot air balloon.

The door opens again and it's the doctor.

"We'll be outside. Good luck." Adam kisses the top of my head then leaves with Ronnie.

I look to Harry who glances down at the doctor who's sitting at the stool at the end of my legs. "Do not look." I scold. His eyes look back to me and Harry smiles gently.

"Okay, May. You are fully dilated." Dr. Westfall says. He speaks doctor to some of the nurses then looks back to me. "Um, push a little."

I do.

"A little harder."

This is so uncomfortable.

I grip onto Harry's forearm and hand tighter and try to take deep breaths. "Okay take a small break." I do.

"What does it feel like?" Harry asks me.

"Like a baby is coming out of my vagina." I manage to say.

"Push again."

I do.

"Push harder."

I do.

Fuck I'm so tired and out of breath.

Minutes that feel like hours later, I feel totally drained from pushing.

I lazily look to Harry who kisses the top of my head. "May, one big push then you're done."

I gulp down my nerves and push once more, this time harder.

I look at the doctor who is cleaning off the baby. "You did good May." Harry says while squeezing my hand. I look to him and smile gently. Then back to the doctor.

"Why isn't she crying?" I ask Dr. Westfall.

He doesn't respond making my heart fall and a lump form in my throat. One of the nurses looks to me then back to the doctor.

Harry's fingers intertwine with mine.

"Is there something wrong with her?" I ask. No one answers. "Please, just answer me." My voice is low.

Dr. Westfall looks at me and in his eyes you can see what he doesn't want to say.

"Say it."

He licks his lips and sighs. "I'm sorry for your loss." I feel my hand go over my mouth and tears pile down my cheeks.

Our daughter died.

She couldn't even see what her parents looked like.

She couldn't even be held by the ones who loved her.

I look to Harry who has his own tears clouded in his eyes and soon rolling down his cheeks.

"H-How?" I manage to ask. My hands begin to shake.

"Um, most likely SIDS." Dr. Westfalls walks over to us.

"What is th-that?" I ask. I bite my lower lip.

"Sudden infant death syndrome. It's not really common, but we can run an autopsy if you'd like."

I can't even process this.

"You said she was fine at the ultrasound earlier today. I-I can't understand that now she's--" I close my eyes and feel tears run down my cheeks. "Can we at least see her?"

The doctor nods. I look to Harry who has bloodshot eyes. I move over on the hospital bed so he can sit with me. He does.

My lip begins to quiver as she's placed in my arms. Her skin is pale and cold. I look away from her and try not to cry. But I fail.

She's so tiny and beautiful.

And I'll never see her again.

"We didn't even get to name her." I sob to Harry who kisses the top of my head.

"April, we'll name her April." Harry says. A tear falls from his eyes.

"A-April Grace Styles?" I ask. He nods. We look back to our daughter and just stare at her. "We never saw what color eyes she had." I mutter to Harry. He just squeezes my hand.

I stroke her cheek with my thumb and smile softly.

I look back up at the doctor who nods saying it's time.

I kiss her forehead and mumble, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Harry and I soon say our goodbyes and hand her back over to Dr. Westfall.

"D-Did I cause her to die?" I ask before he puts her down. "S-she wasn't due till next week and--" He cuts me off.

"No, May. You did nothing wrong." I don't respond. I just cry into Harry's chest and grip onto him. He grips onto me and we both cry into each other.

I never understood why Mothers say after you lose a child, you lose a piece of yourself too.

Now I understand.

A://N

well um hi?

everything in this book has a purpose so

i'll leave it at that

~lauren