My Everything (sequel to Secret) //EDITING//

Fifty Three

{edited}

Harry POV

May fell asleep.

Her head is on my chest and I stroke her hair. My teeth bite my lower lip and I take deep breaths.

My phone that's resting on my night stand rings. I see it's Sadie. I slowly get out of May's touch and put her head on my pillow. I kiss her forehead and slide 'accept' on my phone.

"Hey Sadie." I say while stepping out of my bedroom. I walk to the dining room and sit down at one of the chairs.

"Hey Harry." Her voice is soft. "I was wondering if you and May were coming down for Thanksgiving."

"I uh don't know." I sigh. "I have to see how May is."

"How is she doing? Ellie and I call her everyday and she doesn't respond. We tried texting her too but no reply."

"She doesn't go on her phone really." I bite my lip. "She's uh, okay." I pause. "Depends on the day."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm managing." I run my hand through my hair.

"Does May not want to come down?"

"She doesn't, but I think she's doing it for me, which I don't want."

"You don't want her to do something that you want to do?"

"Not right now." I answer.

"Harry, you're my best friend. And May is my sister and I want you both to be relying on each other right now. But it doesn't sound like you're being taken care of and that worries me."

"I want May to be taken care of and that's all I want."

"I know, but you should be taken care of too. Harry, you lost a child. You and May both did."

"It's not like she doesn't ask me how I'm doing and what I'm feeling." I say. "But, I don't want her to be worrying about me because she needs to better."

"And you don't?" Sadie asks.

"My sadness and May's are different Sadie." I speak. "She has postpartum depression, and I think that's mostly because she lost April. She's just not right, Sadie." I sigh. "Yes, I'm sad that my daughter passed but it's different for May because she wanted to be the Mom she never had. She wanted to have something that made her feel like she had a family.

I grew up with loving parents and a loving sister, no offence but your parents were shit to her and so were you and Ellie at some point. She has all this shitty stuff in her life and she just wanted this one thing to be right. I don't want her worrying about me because that's a distraction from her getting better."

"But, it sounds like you're not getting any help either. You sound sad and broken Harry."

"I'm sad because I know this is too much for her to handle and I know she's going to break. I'm scared to leave her alone in the apartment because I don't know what she'll do." I feel tears fall from my eyes.

"Harry-"

"Do you know the suicide rate for mothers who lost their babies Sadie? It's high." I close my eyes and feel my eyes burn with tears. "When I have to go out to get food or anything I have Adam or Ronnie come over to watch her. She doesn't even talk to them, she lays in bed and just stares at the sheets. She doesn't even talk to Adam.

She relies on me and I need her too because I don't want May to feel alone. Sometimes she doesn't even eat or talk and that scares me because I don't know what she's thinking. She's on medication and sometimes it helps and she'll smile and that makes me happy. Then other times it's back to her being sad. I can't go home for the weekend without her. I can't just leave her alone for two days, I'll be worried and scared the whole time."

"Do you think you guys should take like couples therapy? Or May should try to see a shrink."

"I don't know if it's too soon or not." I say. I tug at my roots. "I don't want to bring it up to her and her shut down on me again."

"I'm sorry you guys have to go through this." Sadie says. Her voice low. "If you need anything Harry, please just call me. Even just to vent what you're feeling. You shouldn't keep it bottled."

"Okay." I say.

"Keep me posted about everything, alright?"

"Okay." We both hang up after saying our goodbyes.

I return back to our room and see she's still sleeping. I slip back into bed and press my front against her back. I kiss her cheek and feel myself become worked up.

I wish I could trade spots with her and take May's pain away. She doesn't deserve this.

What if she does try to do something to herself? I squeeze her tightly and try to get the thought of her not being here anymore out of my head. I wouldn't be able to deal with losing Lily, April, and then May. I wouldn't be able to live after that.

"I love you." I whisper to my sleeping girlfriend. I just want my May back. My happy, healthy May. I know that will take time, but I just need her back. "I love you so much."

I stroke her cheek with my thumb and watch her as she sleeps to make sure she's okay.

A://N

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