My Everything (sequel to Secret) //EDITING//

Fifty

{Edited}

tysm for 10.2k votes that's mind blowing!!

50

May POV

My groggy eyes open and the same pressure on my chest remains. My hands gently grip the sheets and I take a deep breath.

It's been officially a month since April died. It feels like year though.

Each day this last month, I feel worse and worse. Every dream I have is a 'what if' situation. And when I wake up, I just lose a little more of me.

It's tiring feeling like this. I feel worse than I did in high school. And everyday then I want to disappear. I'd rather get bullied everyday the rest of my life how I used too if I'd get to hold April one more time. Hell, I'll become a stripper if it means I'll get to see her again.

I slowly get out of bed. My head feels heavy and my body feels weak. I open the bedroom door and head to the kitchen where I see Harry exiting. His eyes look to me. "You okay?"

"No." I mutter lowly. "Do you k-know where my p-phone is?"

"Urm, in the living room I believe." I nod firefly. "Everything alright?"

"I-I wanted to call my doctor." Harry's eyes look into mine.

"Is there something wrong?"

"They said if I still felt like uh this to call them to get medication to help." His eyes soften at me.

I don't want to be one of those women who end up being suicidal because of losing a baby. Plus, I hate feeling like nothing in the world matters.

"You want to take medication?" Harry asks.

"If it will help." I say.

"Y-you just lost a child May. You're allowed to feel like this."

"I feel like dying all the time because this piece of me is gone Harry." My eyes are welled up and so are his.

"Talk to me. May, I'm here for you, that's not going to change but you're pushing me out. Maybe you're going through postpartum too? I don't know, you won't tell me anything anymore." I look away from his intense stare. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because you need you're own time to grieve and I'm just this thing that's being a hassle."

His hands cup my cheeks firmly. "You can't go through what you are alone May. And I can't either. I need you." My teeth bite my lower lip firmly. "Even if it's just holding you and comforting you, I just need you, okay? But we both lost her, and we both need to grieve together for us to get through this. If we do this separate we'll grow apart and I don't want that." His hands gently grasp my cheeks. "What you're going through I'm going through, okay? You're not alone May."

"I'm just scared that this will be too much for you and you'll leave me." I say sadly. My eyes tear up more. His head shakes.

"I would never leave you May." His lips kiss my forehead. And his arms hold me tightly. "I love you so much and that's never going to change." I bite my lower lip. Harry kisses the top of my head. "If you think the medication will help, take it. I just don't want to see you like this anymore."

My eyes peer up to Harry who's staring at me intently. Tears are brimming his greens eyes. "I've been so worried about you this last month May. You didn't even want to be held and that scared me because I couldn't comfort you." I wrap my arms around his neck and go on my tippy toes and hug him tightly. "I can't lose you too."

"You won't." I say while holding onto him. "I love you Harry."

"I love you too." His hands hold onto my back and firmly and his head is pressed against mine.

***

We're both on the couch currently. The sun is going down and I take in a small breath.

My body is pressed against Harry's and my head is on his shoulder. His fingers are laced with mine and our hands rest on my lap.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Harry asks softly.

"I'm good." I murmur.

"You don't want some pretzels?" I look up at my boyfriend who's looking at me. "Or uh some juice, I can get you that."

"Do you want me to eat something?"

"You look a bit skinnier. Not that you don't look beautiful still, because you do. It's just that like unhealthy skinny type look that worries me." I bite my lower lip. "You still look beautiful." Harry repeats making me smile gently. "Not that you weren't a bad weight before I mean-"

"Harry I got the memo." His face flushes. I kiss his cheek and stroke his hand with my thumb. "I'll eat something, okay?" He smiles.

I forgot about my baby weight that probably made me gain 20 pounds. My stomach probably has some pouch that looks weird too, but I haven't looked. I was bored once and googled 'mothers stomach after child birth' and I wasn't pleased with the pictures. But I guess it would be worth it since in the end, you'll have a baby that is living and all.

That last thought came out more morbid then I wanted it too...

I snap back into reality and see Harry looking at me. "Did you wanna go out and eat? You haven't left the apartment in a month." His voice is soft.

"I look like a mess though and I probably smell."

"No you don't."

"You're just immune to my smell." Harry laughs. I look back up at him and his eyes are gentle looking. "Do you want to go out?"

"It's up to you babe." His hand squeezes mine. "Or I can make you something."

"Which one is easier on you?"

"Both don't bother me May." His fingers stroke my skin.

"Do we have soup?" He nods. "Can I have that?"

"Of course lovely." His lips kiss my cheek.

A://N

so i'm just gonna talk about this book real quick and you can tell me whatcha want and shit . you don't have to read this but your opinion adds onto what will happen

anywayssss

so i have a lot that i want to add in this book but we're at chapter 50 already and wattpad only lets books get to 120 something chapters. That's still a lot but some reason I'll feel rushed and crap. And I don't want the chapters to be rushed and everything i imagine to go shit, but i don't have to add it i can just end this book a different way and stuff

i'm not even making sense ahghnailg

i mean like hinting to a third book OR just continuing here ....

which one do you guys want? This book be longer or end soon (soon=chapter 70?) be completely honest !!! i want your honesty, i don't want to bore you guys :/

anyways i hope you enjoyed the chapter x

~lauren