My Everything (sequel to Secret) //EDITING//

Twenty Two

{edited}

May POV {before}

"We should talk." Harry says to me while letting me into his apartment.

"Yeah I wanted to uh talk to you too." I run my fingers through my hair nervously. "You can first."

"Okay." Harry pauses and picks at his lower lip. "I wanna stop the whole benefits part of our friendship."

Oh fuck.

"Oh." I say. My voice low.

"It's not because the sex isn't good, because it's amazing. It's just that I don't think it's good that we're seeing other people and having sex with one another."

"I'm not seeing anyone." I mutter. His eyes leave mine. "Oh, you're seeing someone?"

"Kinda."

I just give up here.

I open my mouth to speak but Harry talks over me. "Don't say it."

"Say what?" I ask.

"You know what I am talking about." His voice turns deep.

"You don't want me to say I love you?"

"May, when I said it's just sex I meant it." My stomach drops.

"I got the memo when you would come, pull out, then leave like nothing happened. I know that it was just sex." I snap.

"I told you multiple times that I don't want a relationship."

"No you fucking said you're not looking for a relationship." I correct him.

"So that gave you hope?" I bite my lip. "May, if you didn't like how it was why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared to lose you more than I already have!" I break. "Do you know how pathetic it is that I let myself be in that position just to possibly keep you? It's sickening and I did it. And to top it all off you still won't even let me say why I lied!"

"What's there to tell? You wanted out and you said you cheated. What's there more to explain?" His voice raises.

"It wasn't easy Harry to admit that I wasn't happy in our relationship. I-I thought at the time what I was doing what was best. We would go weeks without talking and pretend we were fine. I knew if we kept on going the way we were, we would hate each other and fall out of love. And I didn't want that."

"Saying you cheated and letting me believe that some fucking guy gave you a hickey and fucked you and I just saw him leave is what was best?!"

"Me letting you go is what was best! It wasn't the best fucking way but I knew I had to do something so you wouldn't fight. You had your life up here. You made new friends, you live by yourself, you went to college, and I was holding you back from being the person after high school. And you know I was just this thing that was a hassle."

"You weren't a hassle! Why do you always think that you are? Just because your parents don't give a shit about you doesn't mean that I did too. We could've taken a fucking break. You could've talked to me. Not destroy me in less than 5 minutes; cause that's what you did May. You were the first girl who made me feel anything after Lily. You were the first one who looked at me and didn't think of some dumb popular kid who got every girl. And I felt like I wasn't enough for you. T-that I didn't love you enough so you resorted to sleeping with someone other guy."

My eyes cloud with tears.

"I said I'm s-sorry Harry. I know that d-doesn't mean anything to you but I fucked up. But you did multiple times with me."

"So you're evening the score?"

"No-"

"Or are you holding what I did against you?"

"I'm not saying that! I'm saying that I forgave you for hurting me so why can't you do the same?"

"Do you know why I was at your house that day anyways?"

"N-no."

"I knew you deserved better than what our relationship was. You lived in a big house by yourself, you still got bullied in school, and you were getting more depressed. So, I decided to take a break off of school until you graduated high school. Then, we'd live up here together." A tear leaves my eye.

"You're lying."

"I wish I was." His voice is cold. "I loved you with everything in me May and that scared me to death. I know I didn't always show it, I know I wasn't the best boyfriend but I loved you so fucking much, I would jump through hoops just to see you smile. And you wanted to purposely break my heart."

"I did it because you deserved better than what I was giving you and that was nothing besides this obligation to make me happy. I-I know it was a fucking dumb choice and I'm not saying that I would do it again, because I wouldn't. I made a mistake, and I know that. Why can't you forgive me?"

"I did forgive you, that's why we were friends."

"But you can't forgive me as a girlfriend?" His eyes glare up at me. He's quiet.

"Look me in the eye and say you don't love me."

"May-"

"Say it and I'll never bother you again." My hands start to shake.

Please don't. Please don't. Please don't.

His eyes close briefly and he lets out a sharp breath. Harry looks back at me. "I-I don't," he pauses. "I don't love you anymore."

"Okay." My voice is so low I bet he didn't even hear it. I leave his apartment and feel a part of myself gone.

A://N

Next chapter I'm gonna like writing ;)

Comment ??

~lauren