Screen (Joshler)

Chapter 11

I'm writing a lot lately, but 25 feb the vacation starts so this chapter  might be a bit late, sorry!

"That could be us one day.." Josh said, pointing at a poster of Green Day on his wall. His mum didn't like him listening to 'Music like that' But he did it anyway. She wasn't going to stop him because she didn't want to upset him. She never told him no and he knew he was lucky with a mother like her. Tyler smiled and nodded, squeezing Josh's hand. They were laying on his floor. Tyler didn't know who grabbed whose hand, but he didn't mind at all. He actually quite liked it. Josh's screen showed a small red heart, just like last time. Tyler's screen was black. Although, that's just what he saw. In reality, there was  a small heart on his screen too, a black one. Tyler closed his eyes and Josh looked at him. He was determined to make Tyler happy, and it seemed to be working. What he hadn't planned though, was the beating of his heart. It was beating really fast and he didn't know why. He carefully took his phone and started typing, occasionally looking over to Tyler. 'Why is my heart beating so fast?' He typed into google, biting his lip. Some of the pages told him there was something seriously wrong with him. But he knew not to believe those pages. He was healthy, according to his mum and the doctor who did his yearly check up. He ate his vegetables and fruits and worked out. So it couldn't be anything medical. He scrolled down the page and frowned as he saw a page saying something entirely different. Josh read through the page and looked at Tyler. No.. This was ridiculous. He wasn't in love with Tyler. That was impossible. He was straight. He'd dated girls before. He shook his head and Tyler opened his eyes, raising his eyebrows at him. "Is something wrong?" Tyler asked softly. Josh shook his head with a small smile. "No, Don't worry. " He didn't say anything for a while after that. He was just thinking. Thinking about every romantic movie he'd ever seen and how the people in those movies acted. Meanwhile, Tyler was just enjoying the peace and quiet around him and in his head. Blurry wasn't bohering him and that was something he loved. He loved the emptiness in his mind. Blurry had been bothering him with mean thoughts for years. Every 24 hours in a day were spent with Blurry talking to him. But after what happened in the morning, after Josh had cheered him up, Tyler was feeling... Okay. He smiled and genuinly felt happy. Josh made him happy. He just had to stay around Josh and everything would be okay. 

"Would you rather drive a car or a motorcycle?" Tyler asked Josh. "A car. I could pick up more hot chicks that way." Josh joked. Tyler chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Sure, Josh.. if you say so." Josh laughed softly. "Would you rather be able to fly or to teleport?" He asked. Tyler thought about that for a while before answering. "I'd rather be able to fly, so I could fly up to heaven and hang out with God." Josh grinned at his clever response. "I hadn't thought about that.." He admitted. "Would you rather eat Taco Bell for the rest of your life.. Or Chipolete?" Josh gasped softly. "I'm not answering that question. It's inhumane." Tyler laughed and nodded. "You're right. my deepest apologies." Josh grinned and nodded. "Apologies accepted. Would you rather have a son or a daughter?"Tyler didn't answer for a solid 10 minutes. Josh began to get a bit worried. Had he said something wrong? He sat up carefully and looked at Tyler. Tyler was staring at the ceiling, tears in the corners of his eyes. "Tyler.."Josh whispered. "What's wrong?" Tyler sniffled and wiped his tears away. "I don't want kids, Josh.." Josh frowned and helped Tyler sit up so he could look at him properly. He took his hands and looked into his eyes. "Why don't you want kids?" He asked gently. Tyler looked down. "I don't want them to become like me.."  He whispered. Tyler's sadness broke Josh's heart. He didn't like seeing Tyler this sad. It really hurt. "Tyler.. I'm sure your kids won't be like you.." Tyler looked up at Josh. "I-i mean um.. I'm sure your kids will be alright. I don't think this is genetic. And children don't only get their DNA from their dad. Their mum also plays a part in it." Josh explained himself carefully. Tyler nodded softly. "I'm still scared that it'll happen..." Josh nodded and squeezed his hands. "If you're really scared.. You could always adopt kids.. okay?" Tyler nodded. "Okay. I guess you're right.. In that case.. I'd love to have a daughter. I could go shopping with her and protect her.. And beat up her ex boyfriends.." He laughed softly and Josh's heart skipped a beat. "Y-yeah.. I'll have to agree with you on that." He stuttered. He cursed himself for being nervous without a reason. Well, for Tyler making him nervous for no reason. He just didn't want to admit the real reason. 

"You can take a quick shower whilst I make dinner." Josh suggested, walking into the bathroom with Tyler.  Tyler nodded and looked around, avoiding the mirror. Josh showed him everything in the bathroom, the towels, the shampoos, the soap and the other things he'd need. Josh trusted Tyler. He really did. But just in case.. He'd removed all the sharp objects, like razors and stuff from the bathroom when Tyler was on the toilet. He didn't want Tyler to hurt himself again. Tyler didn't notice. But somewhere deep down he did. He didn't see the shaving blades on the counter anymore. But he didn't say anything about it. Deep down, he was thankful for it. For Josh looking after him. Because he couldn't do it himself. Josh walked downstairs and Tyler took off his clothes and got in the shower. He turned the water on and let it stream down his face slowly. He tried to empty his mind and not look down at his body. At his stomach and his arms. At everything else he despised about himself. He tried his best. He really did. But he didn't succeed. He managed to look down anyway. At his stomach, his arms, his legs, his chest. He hated them. His stomach was too back, his chest too weak, his legs too hairy and his arms were just fucked up. But after  those bad thoughts, He started having different thoughts. He asked himself the question.. If he told Josh about how he thought of his own body... What would Josh say? What would Josh do? And the answer brought a small smile onto his face. Josh would pull him into a hug and tell him he was beautiful. He would tell him his weight didn't matter to him. And that his arms soon wouldn't be littered with red lines, but with white ones. Because Josh would make sure he wouldn't hurt himself ever again. That's what Josh would say.. right?