Start Again

Trauma

*Note: I couldn't sleep so I decided to edit this chapter at almost 4 in the morning. Why am I awake...Anyway more updates in the next few days since I've been feeling a lot better. I hope you enjoy*

Billy would recover from his small scare with death, not that he would call it that. To him it was just a hiccup in his drug use. Just something that slowed him down. He was right back to it as soon as he was released from the hospital.

Billy had become dependent on his cocktail of drugs and alcohol. And his mood depended on how close his high was to wearing off. If he was at the beginning of his high he was loving and affectionate. If he was at the end of his high he was vicious and ill-tempered.

Ever since Billy's hospital stay Steve would stop by to keep me company once a week. Steve understood that I was lonely without Billy and without a job to occupy my time. We spent most of our time together in the music room.

"So nothing changed?" Steve asked referring to Billy's drug habit. I shook my head and sighed. "If anything it's gotten worse" I replied as I traced circles on the edge of the record player. Steve enjoyed poking fun at the records I liked to play, even though I'd catch him tapping his finger along to the music.

"I don't understand how you could be so close to dying and just ignore it" I said before wincing out in pain. There was a sharp ache in my stomach that made me double over in pain. "Blair, are you alright?" Steve asked worried. I stood up straight and smiled at him.

"Yeah, it was nothing" I said before being hit with another wave of pain. The pain brought me down to my knees as I held onto my stomach. Steve yelled out my name as he rushed to my side.

"Steve, I don't think this is normal" I said now worried. "Is it the baby? Are you gonna have the baby?" Steve quickly said. My brain rushed to figure out what the jumble of words was. I quickly shook my head once I unscrambled the string of words.

"It's too soon, it's way too soon. Steve I'm scared" I admitted as tears started to fall down my cheeks. "It's alright. It's gonna be okay" Steve said as the pain got worse.

"Call an ambulance" I begged him. "Don't move" Steve replied before rushing out of the room. I leaned down on all fours and tried to breathe through the pain. If I wasn't worried enough with the pain the small trickle of blood that I spotted running down my legs sent me into a complete panic.

"He should've answered by now, I've been here for 12 hours. Did you call again?" I asked Steve. Now I was the one in the hospital bed instead of Billy. He nodded in response. "I tried, the nurses tried, no one can reach him" Steve said as he looked down at his feet.

"You're hiding something from me Steve" I said knowing the curly haired man and his little ticks. His eyes locked with mine before he let out a small sigh in defeat. "When we called....someone picked up but it was impossible to hear them with all the noise" Steve admitted.

"What noise?" I asked confused. It couldn't have been noise from the hospital. This floor was quiet, almost eerily quiet at times. "From the studio" He replied. "What noise?" I pushed. Steve sighed again.

"Girls talking, giggling, laughing, someone playing a guitar, and.....moaning" Steve said as the last word made my heart sink. The door opened and my heart began to race thinking it was Billy, but I was wrong. I was shocked to see the familiar wide blue eyes peaking into the room.

"Johnny" I said in shock. Saying his name made my lips tingle. His eyes scanned the room before settling on me. My heart leaped when his vibrant blue eyes met mine.

Johnny didn't say a single word as he walked into the room and stood by my side. He looked down at me in the bed before cupping my face in his hand. Johnny stroked my cheek with his thumb as I closed my eyes and leaned into the familiar touch.

As he pulled his hand away his fingers gently brushed against my lips. The feeling sent chills down my spins almost making me forget why I was here. His eyes scanned my face, no doubt studying how much I've changed.

"I like what you've done to your hair" Johnny said with a chuckle. His voice sounded different, it wasn't as high pitched as I remembered. But still it was John's voice, there was no mistaking that.

I reached up and touched a group of locks that were draped carelessly over my shoulder. After years of using unnatural chemicals and dangerous heat to keep my hair straight the true texture of my hair had come through.

"It's unkempt" I said as I ran my fingers through the loose curls. Johnny shrugged. "It looks fine to me" He said as he cracked a smile. Of course it looked fine to him. I don't think Johnny had ever owned a hairbrush in his life.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. My voice came out sounding emotionless and bitter. Johnny's eyes flickered between myself and Steve. "I called him and told him you were headed to the hospital" Steve admitted. I quickly turned my head to look at him.

"What? When did you call him? You've been with me this whole time" I said confused. "After I called the ambulance" Steve replied. I was completely confused. Steve and Johnny didn't even like each other. At times they got along for my sake but that was all.

"We both care about you. I think right now we can put aside any hate we have for one another for Blair" Johnny said to Steve. I couldn't understand why Steve would call Johnny first and not Billy.

"How's the baby?" Johnny nervously asked. It felt like a giant lump had settled into my throat. The lump was threatening to choke me at the first motion I made to speak. I struggled to say the same words the doctor had told me only hours before. Steve grabbed my hand and held onto it tightly.

"He's dead" I said choking back tears. Johnny looked at me in disbelief. His already unnaturally wide eyes were ready to pop out of his head. Johnny didn't know what to say. What was there to say anyway? What could anyone possibly say to woman that just lost her child?

Johnny wrapped his arms around my torso and held me tightly. Being in Johnny's arms again felt nice, it wad comforting. I wrapped my arms around his waist before relaxing into the hug. Not only had his voice changed but so did his body. It didn't feel as bony as it did before. It seemed like Johnny had actually managed to put on some weight.

"How?" Johnny quietly asked. "The doctor says it was because of stress or trauma" I replied just as quietly as Johnny had spoken before.  He pulled away from me but held my body at arm's length from his as he stared at me with an angry look spread across his face.

"Trauma? Did Billy hit you?" Johnny asked. A physical injury would've been easier for me to handle than the emotional injury I had. I shook my head as a small smile spread across my face at how concerned Johnny was.

"It's more of an emotional trauma than a physical one. I don't think that Billy would hit Blair even if he's on drugs" Steve said as he glared at Johnny. His words were meant to hurt Johnny, but they hurt me more. He pulled me back into his chest, ignoring Steve's jab.

"He's with Sid now" I quietly said. Johnny chuckled as he placed his head on top of mine. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing" Johnny replied before placing a small kiss on my forehead.