Start Again

Nostalgic

"Shit......congratulations" Steve said from the other side of the phone. After a solid three months of keeping the news from Steve I finally told him I was pregnant.  "Well fuck, Steve. There's no need to shout" I joked to try and lighten the mood. He chuckled but still stayed quiet on the line.

"Honestly Jonesy, I don't understand why you never come over. All you do is call. I never get to see you anymore" I said sadly. I thought back on our times together in England, I couldn't think of a time when Steve wasn't around to pick my sorry ass up after something had happened.

"I can't be bothered to put clothes on.....Billy is the father right?" Steve awkwardly asked. I let out an ugly snort. "Of course he is. Who the hell do you think I am?" I replied offended.

"Blair Madison, that's who the hell I think you are. I know you Blair" Steve said. "Jonesy, Billy is the father. I've only slept with Billy" I said honestly.

"What a boring life you live" Steve said with a laugh. "You don't even know the half of it" I replied and sighed. "And what does that mean?" He asked. I heard the front door open followed by the sound of things being bumped off of furniture.

"Conversation for another time. I have to go Steve. Billy just got home and it sounds like he's already making a mess" I said before hanging up. I found Billy stumbling through the living room.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked as I laughed. "My beautiful Blair" Billy mumbled slurring his words together. "Are you alright?" I asked before hesitantly walking over to Billy's side.

"I'm better than alright. But now that you mention it...I am a little tired" He said still slurring. I furrowed my brows and nodded. "Why don't you go to bed and sleep for a bit" I suggested. Billy gave me a big grin.

"That's a wonderful idea. You're so smart Blair" Billy said sounding very unlike himself. He gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek before stumbling off to our bedroom. I began picking up the small trinkets that were knocked on the floor before I heard a loud crash. I dropped everything from my arms and ran for the bedroom. A mass of thoughts crowded my mind as I ran, none of them were good.

My heart sank when I found Billy face down on the floor. There was a smashed lamp by his side. He must've fallen and taken the lamp down with him. I yelled out his name as I knelt down next to him. "Billy please" I begged him as I rolled him on his back. I pulled his head onto my lap and cupped his face with my hands.

"William Broad, please wake up!" I yelled down at him. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I stared down at my unconscious boyfriend.

"Ms. Madison you can see him now" A nurse informed me. I quickly sprang up from the chair I had occupied since Billy was wheeled away from me on a gurney. I followed the nurse to Billy's room and tried to hold back tears when I saw him in the hospital bed.

"Oh Billy" I quietly said as he gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry" Billy quietly said. He refused to meet my gaze. I sat in the chair by the bed and folded my hands in my lap.

"You really scared me. I thought I was gonna lose you, I thought we were going to lose you" I admitted as I placed my hands on my round stomach. Billy stayed silent, so I kept talking. "I thought you were gonna end up like Sid" I said as I reached up and wiped away a few tears that had escaped my watering eyes.

"An overdose. William Broad, do you understand how serious that is? Do you even understand how close you were to dying?" I asked. Billy didn't respond, instead he held out his hand for me to take. I placed my hand in his before Billy gave my hand a small squeeze.

"It won't happen again" Billy replied. "You won't do drugs again or you won't overdose again?" I asked already knowing the answer. I wasn't stupid, I watched helplessly as Sid and Nancy fell head first into an addiction that only had one end. I didn't want Billy ending up the same way, but like Sid and Nancy I knew I couldn't help Billy.

"Hand me my jacket" Billy said as he pointed to the leather jacket that was thrown over the foot of the bed. I let go of Billy's hand before retrieving the jacket and placing it down on his lap. He started digging through the pockets. "Billy if you're looking for your cigarettes, stop. They won't let you smoke in here" I said as Billy continued looking.

"Here" Billy said as he held out a small box in the palm of his hand. "This isn't the way I wanted to do it" Billy admitted as I took the box. The door was flung open and in walked an older looking man in a white cloth coat. He introduced himself as the doctor on the hospital floor that Billy was on. The man explained that Billy would have to spend the night and could leave in the morning. Once the doctor left Billy settled back into the bed.

"Lay with me" Billy half commanded. I managed to squeeze myself and my growing belly next to him in the small hospital bed. It wasn't very comfortable but neither was being in the hospital at all. Billy nestled his head against my chest and closed his eyes. I ran my hands through his blond spikes as soft snores escaped Billy's lips.

The small box now seemed to weigh a ton in my hand. I carefully opened it and felt my heart flutter once I saw what was staring up at me from the box. It was a shining black pearl ring with small sparkling stones lining the band.

A ring, an engagement ring? It was the last thing I expected from Billy, but he was acting a lot unlike himself lately. But an engagement ring? I felt like I was making a big fuss over nothing. Maybe it was just a regular ring, but who the hell gives someone a ring unless they're asking to marry them? I placed the ring on my finger before placing the box on my lap. I wasn't even given a moment to admire how the ring looked before I was interrupted.

Once again the door was flung open. This time it was to the point of the door almost being pulled off its hinges. I was relieved to see the curly mop of hair walk through the door.

"Jonesy" I said as I struggled to pull myself out of the hospital bed. Waking up Billy in the process didn't matter as long as I got to Steve. I wrapped my arms around Steve's neck and hugged him as tightly as I could. He placed one hand on my lower back and placed the other on the back of my head.

"I'm so glad you're here" I said quietly. Steve chuckled. "How can I not be here? You called sounding fucking hysterical saying that Billy was in the hospital. I had to check on him, and on you of course" Steve said as he tangled his fingers in my hair. I didn't want to move away from Steve.

The smell of his cologne was nostalgic. It brought back memories of England. And that was exactly what I wanted to think of, the past and not the present. Even if the past was painful I wanted more than anything to be there now and not in the hospital with Billy.