Start Again

Shock

My head ached and the sun shining through the large window only made it worse. I rolled over in the comfortable bed and came face to face with Richard, he still looked half asleep. The events from the night before, everything from seeing Billy again to bumping into Richard and sleeping with him, seemed unreal.

"Good morning" I said and smiled at him. Richard smiled back as he placed his hand on my hip. "Morning" He replied as he looked at me through his squinted light brown eyes. Richard moved closer to me and slowly brushed his lips over mine before kissing me a few times.

We exchanged numbers and went on a handful of dates in the weeks that followed the party. During one of said dates the topic of England was brought up and I once again felt homesick for a place I wasn't even from. I threw around the idea in my head of going back to England. I wasn't sure how long it would be for or if I would even come back from it.

Every place in New York seemed to hold memories of Billy. Although, I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to let go of. I started to make plans to go back to England but had to put them on hold when I got an odd an unexpected call.

"Please don't hang up, it's about your brother" The unmistakable voice begged. I was ready to slam the phone down before thoughts flooded into my head of something bad once again happening to Ig. I grunted and held the phone back up to my ear. "What about my brother?" I asked not bothering to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"He's been asking about you. He said he's getting results back from some test today and wanted to see you" Billy explained. "How did you even get my number?" I asked with a mix of curiosity and anger.

"I got it from a friend of your boyfriend" Billy answered referring to Richard. "He's not my boyfriend" I replied a little too quickly. Mentally I kicked myself and quietly mouthed the word fuck. Why was I explaining my relationship with Richard? We had been on a number of dates but he was indeed not my boyfriend. But why was I so quick to deny it, and to Billy of all people.

"That's good to know" Billy said in his undeniably cocky sounding tone. He was no doubt smirking on the other side of the line. I scoffed but couldn't hide the small smile that was forming on my lips. "Was that all?" I asked as I tried to sound upset again.

"Yes....No. Blair, wait please" He pleaded. I stayed on the line even though I knew I would regret it. "Come home, please. I love you and miss you terribly" Billy said. I struggled to find words. How does one reply when someone they still care deeply for asks them to come back?

"Billy, I am home" I replied trying to stay strong and trying not to cave from hearing him say those words. "I mean home, here with me" He said almost sounding sad that I no longer considered being with him my home. I hesitated to say anything.

"Home is wherever you aren't. Goodbye Billy" My words sounded like a lie in every way they possible could, but I said them firmly and hung up. Without a second thought I packed my bag and got on the first flight back to Los Angles. Unfortunately Billy didn't tell me where Ig was getting the results at. Also unfortunately, I had to call Billy and ask.

"The hospital...obviously" Was his response. "Obviously. But which one did he say?" I asked feeling like I was pulling his teeth to get an answer. "Don't worry, I'll take you. Just stay where you are" Billy replied quickly and hung up before I could protest.

"Billy, no! Fuck!" I yelled into the phone before slamming it down. How many hospitals could there be in Los Angles that Iggy would go to? A lot, there were a fucking lot. I considered leaving and risking the chance that I would be visiting a good handful of hospitals before I found the right one. Against my better judgement, I stayed and waited for Billy.

Of course in typical Billy Idol fashion, he showed up on his motorcycle where I would have to be holding onto him for my own safety. With my bag slung over my shoulder I sat down on the back of his motorcycle and wrapped my arms around his waist. I slipped my hands under his leather jacket and dug my nails into his skin out of spite. I was quick to hop off Billy's motorcycle as soon as we reached the hospital.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Billy asked. "Absolutely not" I replied as he followed me into the hospital. I asked the woman at the desk where I could find Iggy and was given a room number.

"Is he with you?" The woman asked as she began writing out a visitor's pass for me. I glared at Billy before turning back towards the woman. "No" I firmly said.

"Yes, I am. We're visiting her brother together. I'm her boyfriend" Billy cheekily replied. "The fuck you are" I said through gritted teeth as I angrily took the pass from the poor woman. Billy managed to sneak into the elevator before the doors closed and followed me to Iggy's room. Surprisingly though he didn't follow me inside.

"Blair you're here" Ig said as he smiled at me. I wasn't expecting to see him in a hospital bed again, nor was I expecting him to look as sick as he did. "Iggy....what's wrong with you?" I asked as I started walking to his bed.

"Don't get too close, just as a precaution" He said and held out his hand. I stood in the middle of the room, I was scared beyond belief. "Ignatius Madison, what is wrong?" I demanded an answer. My brother sighed and rubbed his temples as he looked down at the bed.

"I have AIDs. I've been doing some experimental treatment, but the doctors say it isn't working. They haven't given me long to live" He explained. My knees felt weak and I wanted to cry. I just got my brother back and now I was going to lose him again. "How long?" I asked quietly. Ig sighed again.

"At the most, a month" He replied. I gulped and tried to choke back tears. "And at the least?" I asked not really wanting to know the answer. "A week" Iggy answered. I was speechless and in shock. After exchanging a few more words I left the room. Once the door was shut behind myself I fell to my knees and cried. I didn't care that Billy was there to watch me crumble, I only cared that I wouldn't have my brother anymore.