Start Again

Miss Me Blind

I laid there on the couch with Billy, our warm sweat slicked bodies sticking to the smooth leather. It had been a long night with very little sleep actually taking place. At some point we had fallen asleep and Billy had covered us with the blanket that always sat at the end of the couch.

A small groan escaped my mouth as I attempted to stretch my arms and legs. Billy had his arms wrapped around my waist and from what I could tell he was still sleeping. I gently moved his arms off my torso and began collecting my clothes.

"Where are you going?" Billy asked making me let out a small squeak in surprise. I turned around and glared at him. "You scared the shit out of me" I said as Billy chuckled in response. He apologized as I pulled up my leather skirt.

"You didn't answer my question" Billy said as he rolled onto his side. I threw on my white shirt and tucked it in before turning towards Billy. "What was the question?" I asked as I moved to his side and looked down at him.

"Where are you going?" He repeated. His icy blue eyes stared up at me. I reached down and ran my fingers through his peroxide blond hair before answering. "I'm going home, Billy" I replied before Billy grabbed my hand.

"You're just going to leave?" He asked as he gripped tightly onto my hand. I nodded and pursed my lips together. "That's not very like you" Billy said as I tried to slip my hand out of his grip.

"I guess I'm taking a page out of your book then" I replied. Billy scowled at me and squeezed my hand. "I never did that to you, Blair and you know it" He angrily said. I nodded and refused to let the pain he was causing to my hand show in my face.

"You're right, you didn't do it to me. But I'm sure you did it to a lot of other women" I replied. Billy's hand fell from mine in shock. I took that as my opportunity to collect the rest of my things. "Blair, don't leave" Billy begged as he quickly pulled on his leather pants and grabbed my arm.

The sound of the door unlocking stopped either one of us from saying anything. Billy's grip on my arm loosened when a woman walked in. I couldn't see who she was at first. She called out Billy's name as she closed the door behind her.

"I didn't realize I would be back so soon, I should've called" The woman said before stopping when she saw Billy and I. Then I recognized who the she was. She was the woman who was with Billy when I bumped into him at Robert Smith's party. "What is she doing here?" She asked as she glared at Billy.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" I asked offended. "I'm Billy's girlfriend" She replied. I turned towards Billy and scowled at him as I began grinding my teeth in anger.

"Blair" Billy tried to explain himself. "No!" I said through my clenched teeth. I picked up my shoes and bag from the floor before storming out. I only made it halfway down the driveway before Billy grabbed my arm again.

"Save your explanation for someone else! I'm tired of it" I yelled and pushed him. Billy let go of my arm as he stumbled back. I left as quickly as I could for my home back in New York. I was just settling back in when a knock on my door scared me. It was Billy, he had managed to follow me from California to New York.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me" I said as Billy stood in the hall. "Give me a chance to explain, please" Billy begged. I rolled my eyes and let out a loud sigh.

"Five minutes then you don't ever come around here again" I replied. Five minutes was all the time I could spend on Billy anymore. I didn't want to hear any explanation he would give me. What more could he say that I didn't already know. Billy walked into my flat and closed the door behind himself. We stood in the middle of the room without either one of us saying a word yet.

"That woman means nothing to me" He began. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes again. "That's a load of shit" I said stopping him already. Billy was shocked to say the least.

"She had to mean something to you. She lives with you, Billy that's not nothing" I said and scowled at him. "Compared to you she means nothing to me" Billy lied. I scoffed. How was it possible for this much bullshit to be coming out of one person?

"Well I think I'm just falling for you all over again" I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes. "Why don't you try telling me the truth for once!" I yelled. "Blair, that is the truth!" Billy yelled back. Now it was my turn to be shocked. I hated being yelled at and it only fulled my anger.

"Tell me the fucking truth, William!" I shouted in his face. I wanted to hit him right in the jaw. I couldn't stand being lied to, it was disgusting. "You want the truth? The truth is I can be with anyone I want, I can kiss anyone I want, I can fuck anyone I want but it's not the same as it is with you!" Billy yelled.

"Is that what you tell all the women you sleep with? You could've told me at anytime before we had sex that you were seeing someone else" I replied as I crossed my arms. "Blair, cut the shit" Billy replied angrily.

"Oh stick it up your ass. What do you want me to do? Fall all over you because you're telling me all these pretty lies? Well tough shit it's not going to happen" I said standing my ground. "They aren't lies it's the truth!" Billy shouted. I let out a laugh in disbelief.

"You cannot be serious? Do you actually believe any of the lies you're telling? Is that how you justify all your drinking and all your taking drugs? Is that how you justify you calling me a cunt?" I yelled. Billy didn't respond, I took his silence as a yes to my questions. I let out a loud sigh as I ran my fingers through my curly hair.

"You've been playing this character for so long that you don't even know who you are anymore" I said, my anger fading a little in the process. "You think I'm playing a character? Then you're the one who doesn't know who I am" Billy yelled as he moved closer to me.

"You're William fucking Broad! My Billy Broad! You're the man I fell in love with as soon as your gorgeous blue eyes met mine" I said trying not to shout and failing at it. Billy crashed his lips against mine. I was shocked and couldn't move at first, but quickly I pushed him away.

"No!" I loudly shouted. "You can't just kiss me and expect that to make everything better Billy. Why can't you understand that ignoring what happened doesn't fix the problem?" I asked now sounding desperate for hope and I was. I wanted him to admit he was wrong. I wanted him to stop his drinking and drug use, not only for myself but more importantly for him.

"What more do you want me to say? I was so happy that you were with me again that she slipped my mind and it wasn't my fault when you left I was on drugs" Billy defended. "I'm tired of hearing your excuses. Either own up to what you did or stay out of my life, but either way get the hell out of my house" I still had hope for Billy and myself, but that hope was shrinking quickly.